She is Love, She is All I Need

I forgot how much I loved this song. I’m bringin’ it back tonight ~ at least trying to :)

Look at it as a song about Love itself – how it can save us, rescue us from our fears and doubts, and bring us back to life again.

And the lyrics, because lyrics make the world go ’round:

I’ve been beaten down,
I’ve been kicked  around,
But she takes it all for  me.

And I lost my faith,
in my darkest days,
But she makes me want  to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call  her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.
She’s all I need.

Well  I had my ways,
they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same,
all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she’ll be here, yes she’ll be here,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love. love.

She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I  need.

Tribute to My Best Friend

My husband's surprise meal awaiting me after night class!

Through the years we’ve all (likely) gotten on and off various treadmills in our lives.

These treadmills are when we try to earn somebody’s love, attention, respect and admiration.  I think we’ve all done it–even when we were unaware that’s what we were seeking.  The driven executive.  The perpetually-busy housewife.  The promiscuous teen/young adult (or older).  The tough guy.  The trendsetter.

Of course there are literal treadmills–“Run run run, fast as you can…”  I’ve easily (and sadly) spent half my life chasing this dream.  Let’s just say I’m not succeeding.

Then there are other kinds of treadmills we gauge our success by.  I tried one (laughable) one: Best cook!  That was a briefer stint.  Short story?  Fail (but a happy one, as any well-fed cook can attest)  :)

At some point I set my sights on being “Most popular” with the boys.  This I succeeded at quite well, til one day I realized they weren’t always seeking my best interest.  So I ran away.  And built walls, lots of walls.  John Eldredge calls this the “tower” every knight must rescue his princess from, claiming that every lady’s built one [slightly cheesy, but no less true].  Mine was a fortress!

My husband is the only one who persistently broke down my defenses–in just a shade under four years.  [I’d label this endeavor of mine a successful fail: I got a fabulous hubby outta the deal, but completely apart from my efforts].

One of my favorite thoughts about my husband is that he met me at my worst.  I love it.  I was my most homely (which makes me smile :), my most bare-faced, anti-social, uncharming, and in my mind unloveliest.

Enter future hubby.

Somehow God veiled his eyes (?) and he became captivated by me–I mean really captivated.  He saw the quirks in my behavior yet pursued me anyway (example: our first full-fledged encounter consisted of him hanging out with me as I tackled Sudoku–for 45 minutes–in near silence.  Yes really).

He asked me out that night.

No part of where I was at back then captured me at my best.  No part.  I was unemployed for crying out loud and living with my parents.  I mean, does that scream “MARRY ME” or what?

Yet three-and-a-half years later, that’s precisely what he did.  Just a short block from the home we Sudoku-ed in “together”.

And in that very same place–my parents’ beautiful home–we celebrated our engagement, and two months later, our marriage.

Wow.

Last night I dreamt about my husband.  He was personified as a brother, someone who was always around, helping, being considerate, positive and generally awesome (per usual, if you know him!  And maybe not-so-usual for the average brother), but someone firmly in the “Just Friends” box.

Or so I thought.

At some point in my dream, he emerged from the Friend Zone and became the man who captured my attention and won my heart.  It was an amazing dream, paralleling what happened with us in real life and highlighting all his strengths and fantastic qualities–ones I greatly esteem and admire.

I woke up reinvigorated with love for my husband, who I said “I do” to just 9 1/2 short months ago: New Years Day 2011 (that’s 1.1.11 for you sentimental ones).

We didn’t even plan the timing.  But part of me thinks God did.

Another part of me thinks God knew what He was doing when He sent Brian to me when I stood on the lowest rung of the ladder of success.  A girl who based her worth on her “ability to perform” meets the man of her dreams at the apex of her failure.

Coincidence?  I’m beginning to think not.  One day I had this epiphany that reaching rock bottom meant “It can only go up from here” with him.  That was a beautiful and freeing place to be.

God bless him.  Really!  God, please bless him, for nights like tonight…

I was struggling.  So my husband checked outta work early, drove home (while on the phone with Negative Nancy herself), and rushed to my aid.  He came in our room, where I was lying on our bed, and just hugged me.  Enveloped me.  Loved me when I was so incredibly down and feeling broken.

God, You knew what I needed… back then in 2007 when we ‘met’ at my parents’ home… and today in his parents’ home, the one we all share, when he said I’m beautiful and loved me at my worst.

How could that be?

On days like today when I think God can’t possibly love and accept me in light of my failures, weaknesses and bad (okay, terrible) attitudes, I see my husband’s love and accept the growing realization that God must love me, too.  Because how else could I deserve to be blessed with such a man in my life?  What did I do to earn his love?

I’m so grateful I’ll never know… because someone as incredible as my husband loves me at my worst, and one day (I oh-so-hope) he can love me at my best.

Thanks God for such a gift–a man who is loving me back to life.

The Best Revenge

“It ain’t heavy if you don’t pick it up.”

It sneaks up on you.  Fine one day, you find yourself changed a short time later.

You may have heard the story of how to boil a frog: Put him in cool water and slowly heat it up.  By the time the little guy’s aware how hot the water’s become, he’s halfway-cooked.  Works every time.

Bitterness is like that.  A friend, spouse, coworker, family member, even stranger hurts you.  You get angry (rightfully so)–but don’t release it.  So it hangs on.

Hebrews calls it a “bitter root”, and if it isn’t uprooted it blooms into a full-blown tree bearing poisonous fruit.  And what else does Heebs say bitter roots do?  They defile many.

We’ve all been the unfortunate recipient of a bitter person:

• The family member who always explodes over (minor) issues
• That man at work who brings his trademark derogatory attitude and snide comments with him each day (yay!)
• The pastor who vents from the pulpit and becomes hardened, ungracious, even judgmental (not in my experience, by the way)
• The bitter ex-boyfriend/girlfriend who just can’t move on/get over “what they did to me”

Maybe we’ve played some of these roles ourselves.

Forgiving is tough.  People say or do things that affect us for years, decades even.

• Reckless spending, debt and poor financial choices (someone with access to our money)
• Infidelity
• Fraud
• Abuse or neglect
• Harsh, hateful words
• Name-calling/stereotyping
• Driving under the influence
• Slander/gossip that colors people’s opinions of us
• Alcoholism

This list is endless.

The greater the hurt from someone’s actions, the more tempting it is to hang onto and the harder it is to release.

As many lives are spoiled by bitterness and a lack of forgiveness as by almost anything in the world. People go through physical and emotional breakdowns because they refuse to forgive others. The longer we carry a grudge, the heavier it becomes. We cannot afford to harbor bitterness in our soul….

Forgive and be forgiven. And then forget it. This is the secret of spiritual health. Keep short accounts with God and men. Dont lock bitterness and guilt within the closet of your soul. Allow the Holy Spirit to shine His divine spotlight in your heart. Let Him clean out every closet in your soul. Then claim Gods wonderful promise, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

-Evangelist Luis Palau (emphases mine) :)

Is such a burden worth hanging onto?  It only grows larger and heavier with time.  You risk losing your heart, your love for others, your joy and happiness, your peace, and healthy relationships (because you’re suddenly suspicious, thinking they’ll do the same thing to you that so-and-so did).  I know because it’s happened to me.

After years of carrying a burden of bitterness, I had this epiphany: Forgiveness is the best revenge.

Isn’t that what we want when we stay bitter–for them to suffer for what they did?  We want to “get back at them”, for someone to pay for their poor choices.  We instinctively understand that whole eye for an eye aspect of justice.  In OT times, a lamb lost its life.  Nowadays, we know Jesus paid.  And if someone refuses to accept His sacrifice to cover the sins they’ve inflicted on others, well then God said one day He’ll judge them.  “‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”  And that day may come for them sooner than later–even on this earth.

So if we know justice will be served and then leave it in God’s hands, let’s do ourselves and everyone around us a favor and let it go.  All of it.

We’ll free ourselves from the burden of repaying that person back.  We’ll leave room for God’s wrath (way better than ours anyway!).  And we’ll free ourselves to live without their influence guiding our choices anymore.

Yes, they hurt us.  But do we want to allow it to continue hurting us?  No way.

Forgiveness is truly the best revenge.  If this is our response, we’ll win that scenario every time.

Take the advice of one of our country’s most influential leaders to ever walk American soil–a man who overcame incredible hatred during his lifetime, lost his very life to hate and had every reason to return the favor:

“I’ve decided to stick with love.  Hate is too great a burden to bear.”  -Martin Luther King Jr.

Leading to Love or Be Loved?

“If you wanna lead the orchestra, you gotta turn your back to the crowd.”

I’m a big fan of Pete Wilson.

He pastors Cross Point Church in Nashville.  He wrote a great post Friday titled “My Biggest Mistake in Ministry”.  O Lord is this ever one I need to keep in perspective!  Mind you, I’m no senior-pastor-of-a-megachurch (nor do I have such aspirations)… but I do believe God has given me a heart to help and serve people, build relationships and encourage community wherever He places me.

I want to remember his words.  I bet you will, too.

Leading with a desire to be loved is dangerous.  Parenting with a desire to be loved can be destructive.  And if you spend your life trying to be loved instead of being loving,it’s going  to lead you to all kinds of unhealthy extremes.

Part of learning humility for me is to understand I simply can’t  please everyone.  Not everyone is going to like me, love me, or think I’m great.  They’re just not.

I feel like I’m growing in this area.  I’m learning the freedom that comes along with seeking to love, instead of always desiring to be loved.  The first leads to meaning and significance while the latter is an emotional black hole that can never be filled.

I pray you will learn to live in the Kingdom and be freed from the  sheer stupidity and vanity of going through life trying to make sure other people think the right things about you.  If you depend on other people loving everything you say or do, you will end up doing and saying nothing.  I pray you’ll receive the  fact that you are loved in the eyes of God in such a way that you can then go out to lead and live, seeking to truly love the people around you.

Wow, can I relate.  Can you?

My struggle with wanting people’s approval came in utero!  I love people. I’ve always gravitated towards them and certainly basked in their good graces.

Five years ago, God shone a spotlight on me in this area.  He revealed that people were my idol.  Ouch!  But I sheepishly agreed.

He didn’t stop there.  He prepared me, whispering to my heart: This is gonna be a season with just you and Me.  And then months later He spoke the following: You’re about to go through something very painful. 

Uh oh.  God had never spoken that to my heart before.

He knows I’m wired to put people first, even above my needs (not as holy as it sounds haha), and He knew I didn’t have the strength to dethrone the place people occupied in my heart.  His place.

So He did it for me.

Systematically, He removed person after person from my life.  Within a span of months, 7 or 8 girl friends stopped talking to me for no apparent reason.  Individually.

Okay, no big deal.  There are always guys right?

Yeah, no.  I had guy friends, but they don’t get us like ladies do (this is good).  Add to that family misunderstandings, and you have a people-pleaser’s full-blown identity crisis!

That season in my life hurt, a ton.  I tried connecting with new people, but for the first time it didn’t work!  Small groups fell flat.  Revisiting old places with old friends proved short and bittersweet.  Relationships were suddenly hit-or-miss.  It was the strangest experience.  It was like I was wearing an invisible cloak — like Hosea’s wife when God hemmed her in with thorns so she had no other choice but to seek Him (a beautiful story–take a moment to read!).

God “hemmed me in” by allowing crises in every area of my life.  Yes, aloneness was a major crisis, but the series of events that followed magnified my aloneness.  Being alone can be stressful.  Being alone while going through the ringer is another story.  I wonder if anyone reading this can relate.

It started with shin splints–that hung on over 2 years.  An avid runner, exercise was my release, the way I dealt with stress/anxiety, the pressure of ‘not measuring up’, and persistent body image issues (essentially everything our culture says a woman can ‘hang her hat on’).  Without this to lean on, my confidence crumbled overnight (some crutch huh?).

Then the pressure to perform my job became over-the-top.  I so wanted to prove my “fresh outta college” self.  About this same time I started having ‘night terrors’ that lasted a few years, allowing just 2-3 hours of precious sleep and PANIC the rest of the night, while having to perform at work the next day.

This set me up for burnout.  My health deteriorated, ushering in extreme fatigue, minimal energy to accomplish my daily work, and little emotional/mental capacity to handle life’s stresses.  Dating disappointments and a few heartaches were no help.

My Type-A, people-pleasing self was in overdrive… but I could no longer perform.  In my eyes (and theirs), I became a failure.

I lived with family then, another personal failure to me (at the time) because I wasn’t “making it on my own”.  Financial obligations forced me to live there and deal with family challenges.  Issues I’d never noticed came tumbling out of my family’s closet, issues I had to deal with.  I tried so hard to connect with my family, but they didn’t ‘get’ me (I didn’t ‘get’ me!).  This last crisis took a tremendous toll on me.  I felt utterly alone and misunderstood.

In short, I went through the refiner’s fire.  It was good for me, I see now, but at the time it felt like all hell broke loose in my life.

So I dove into Him.  I began reading Scripture every day (following a friend’s example!), and attending home churches and worship meetings zealously.  I was desperate for hope and God’s nearness.

When you don’t have people’s approval for years in a row, you learn to lean on something else.  I’m very thankful God helped me choose Him.  He’d been on the backburner (or not even in the kitchen!) for most of my life.  It was time.

That season taught me big lessons.  It took a five-year period of time for God to remove people as my focus and for me to give Him rightful place in my heart!  I am thankful I walked that journey with God and realized He is my sufficiency and all I need.  I’m so glad He showed me how fickle people and their affections can be and that they make a crappy leg to stand on.

Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

-Jeremiah 17

He wanted me to learn that people can never fill me, that I can’t live for them.  I can live to love others, but not at the expense of my love for my Father.   People will never sustain me–no–and I can never truly love them when I’m seeking a handout from them: their approval.

Now He’s bringing loving people back into my life, and I’m appreciating them in a new way: devoid of my need to be significant in their eyes, and instead replaced with a pure need for godly fellowship.  Without losing myself.  Without co-dependent, unhealthy, enmeshed relationships.

I’m free to be healthy and whole, and to bring God’s love with me.  I am free to help people in ways they need most–because I don’t need to be liked by them anymore.

Have I conquered this battle?  I’ve learned it’s unwise to say “I’ll never…”.  Instead, I can say with confidence that I’ve learned a valuable lesson, one I’ll take with me into each new season.  Lives will be richer because I’ve learned this lesson now.  As God calls me into leadership, He continues to check my motives and ask Are you leading to love?  Or be loved? 

Should I stumble in this area, I believe the fall won’t be nearly as painful than had I never learned to live with only God’s approval!

Have you struggled with pleasing people instead of God?  How have you overcome it?

Your Redemption is Near

The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.

-Romans 13:11-12

Today this Scripture was highlighted to me.  Your redemption draws nigh!

Redemption is His glory at the end of a long, difficult road.  God is weaving His redemption into each of our lives every passing day.  He is making our lives beautiful, turning what the enemy meant for evil into good.

This is the story of how He redeemed me.

Redemption from Pain

College and the years after brimmed with deep pain and darkness for me.  Some people call it the “Dark Night of the Soul”.  This was mine.

During my teenage years I had some tough experiences, things people should never have to deal with.  What followed was a decade of indescribable pain.  Life was crushing.  I don’t know how else to describe it.

The first year was a blur; I simply don’t remember much.  Each subsequent year was filled with searching, grasping for something to heal my wounds.  Utter desperation.  Despair.  Teeny glimmers of hope after all seemed lost.  And extreme confusion.

I turned over one stone only to uncover more.  There were LAYERS to this thing, this mountain of pain I held inside.  What was the answer?  What did I need most?

I realized I faced a choice: Deal with my experiences with my Healer’s help, the One I’d walked away from years prior, or turn away again to other ‘lovers’.

By the grace of God, this time around I chose Him.

As the pain intensified — which often happens on the road to freedom — I shrank back in fear, a shell of myself.  I sought Him, but leaned heavily on other crutches to make it through.  I didn’t want to unleash a torrent of struggles onto others, and I struggled to trust them, so I fumblingly turned to God again and again.  I slipped, yes!, but I returned to His feet.  I sought His heart for me.  I sought His salve and His touch… but I didn’t fully trust Him either.  Intimacy terrified me, so I played peek-a-boo with my Saviour for much too long, thinking He wouldn’t approve when He saw me up close.

But that’s not what we learn from His precious promises to us.  God shows His heart for His beloved, despite their repeated betrayal, in Hosea:

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but He will heal us;
He has injured us
but He will bind up our wounds.
After two days He will revive us;
on the third day He will restore us,
that we may live in His presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge Him.
As surely as the sun rises,
He will appear;
He will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.

-Hosea 6:1-3

Ever so slowly, light shone into my prison.  God entered and chased away my shame, one lie at a time.  He began stripping me of old habits and destructive cycles, revealing to me a new abundant way of life.  Then He did a remarkable thing.  Like His word says, He gave me a new name!, one spoken to me in the depth of the pit: JOY.  I stared back at the man who spoke this over my life, this word of faith, through the eyes of deep sadness and pain.  Joy — me?  He said I’ll bring joy wherever I go?  Wow!  How unthinkable in that season, but how like our Creator to make us into the unthinkable–something glorious–when we could’ve never accomplished it on our own.  How beautiful!  :)

One painstaking step of faith at a time, I learned to trust my Creator as He showed Himself most trustworthy!  This word became true in my life:

The LORD sets prisoners free,
the LORD gives sight to the blind,
the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,
the LORD loves the righteous.
The LORD watches over the alien
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.

-Psalm 146

This story of redemption is yours, and it is mine.  And it is life-changing when we share it with others.

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So!

Revelation 12 teaches us invaluable information about our redemption, our salvation:

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

‘Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of His Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.’

To overcome our mutual enemy, each of us must share our story in our circles– proclaim our freedom, God’s redemption of our pain!  Scripture says “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!”  Speak it.  Share our travels.  Surely somewhere along the way, we will meet others struggling through areas God has given us victory in.  With these people we are compelled to share that freedom is possible, they are not alone, and such beauty awaits them on the other side. 

And that’s why I share mine.

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
So He subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron…
He sent out His word and healed them;
He rescued them from the grave.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of His works with songs of joy.

-Psalm 107

Do you see it?  Despite our self-made prisons and self-imposed chains, God breaks down bronze gates and iron bars.  This is redemption.  It is God giving ear to our cries in our distress.  It is our powerful Saviour rescuing us from every kind of death.

Hallelujah :)

Beauty from Ashes

God didn’t just save me from darkness.  He saved me to someplace, a place He carved out for me before the world began. (Thanks to Beth Moore for this revelation!)

Ten years after the nightmare began, after believing no man would brave peering into my brokenness or would find beauty there, God gave me my heart’s desire: He made me a radiant bride!  I didn’t think this time would actually come.  If my tough experiences had taught me anything, it was that I’d always be in ‘waiting mode’.  Yet, that assumption proved false.  Even now I find it hard to wrap my mind around how far He’s brought me.  Me.  Redeemed.

Yet here I am.

My mom called my attention to this recently at my “early birthday” celebration, words I can’t forget.  She said that despite the long journey I’ve taken — the pain and sadness, my desire to get married earlier than I did, and the painful waiting period that ensued — when my time arrived, God blessed me with two weddings, two honeymoons and all kinds of two-ness (two becoming one)!  [Yes, we had two wedding celebrations: our wedding day with parents and pastor, and a huge one with all our loved ones.]  As she said this, instantly this verse flashed into my mind:

Instead of your shame
   you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
   you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
   and everlasting joy will be yours.

-Isaiah 61:7

[and in the Amplified]:

Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs.

Before marriage, I felt shame.  Many of my God-given dreams hinged on meeting the right man, starting a family and creating a life together.  But my dreams tarried.

Yet now I see how the Lord has turned each of these challenging times around for my good.  Each painful season changed something in me that needed to be changed, and each tough path I have traveled thus far has shown me new pathways to healing and freedom that I now share with others.  God has made “all things work together” on my and my husband’s behalf, and in the process He has made (and continues to make!) our story soo beautiful!

A year ago I would have never envisioned the life I’m now living every day.   I recall one moment last spring when God whispered to me, in my utter despair, “It’s always darkest before dawn.” He knew that after enough time passed and life didn’t happen as I’d imagined, hope died in me.

But God is faithful!  Eight months later I was blessed with two totally unique weddings — one flanked by New Mexico’s gorgeous snow and mountains and the other surrounded by Florida’s sunshine, sand and palm trees — and two honeymoons, when I’d only dreamed of one!  Both days were exceptionally beautiful.

Wow!  Did I deserve such grace after the places I’d been?  Or after failing to believe that He cared for me and would bless me one day?  No I didn’t.  Yet, that’s what grace means.  It isn’t earned or merited.  It is freely given.

His word promises us,

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten —
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm —
My great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will My people be shamed.

-Joel 2:25-26

Repaid me He has.  And this is just the beginning of my story.

His promises are so beautiful because they are so true!  He will give us beauty for ashes, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  That’s just what He’s done (and continuing to do) in my life.  And that’s just what He’s doing in yours.

Our Final Redemption

God’s final promise of redemption will greet us in the next life.  It is such a glorious promise!  Savor each word because this is His promise to YOU and to me, to all His children, in the place He’s preparing for us:

“Though you were once despised and hated,
with no one traveling through you,
I will make you beautiful forever,
a joy to all generations.
Powerful kings and mighty nations
will satisfy your every need,
as though you were a child
nursing at the breast of a queen.
You will know at last that I, the Lord,
am your Savior and your Redeemer,
the Mighty One of Israel.
I will exchange your bronze for gold,
your iron for silver,
your wood for bronze,
and your stones for iron.
I will make peace your leader
and righteousness your ruler.
Violence will disappear from your land;
the desolation and destruction of war will end.
Salvation will surround you like city walls,
and praise will be on the lips of all who enter there.

“No longer will you need the sun to shine by day,
nor the moon to give its light by night,
for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.
Your sun will never set;
your moon will not go down.
For the Lord will be your everlasting light.
Your days of mourning will come to an end.
All your people will be righteous.
They will possess their land forever,
for I will plant them there with My own hands
in order to bring Myself glory.
The smallest family will become a thousand people,
and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation.
At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”

-Isaiah 60

Until heaven, God will be working redemption in our lives here on earth.  Each broken part of us He redeems, each wound He heals in this life points us to our final destination and the Ultimate Redemption of mankind.  God promises a heavenly home where the sun never goes down!  Tears are not cried!  Unfathomable now, but it will be our reality later–just as I could never have hoped or dreamed or expected the life I’m now experiencing daily.  I couldn’t have even wished for the love I now know in marriage.  And this is just a glimpse of what’s to come.

I’ll leave you with God’s best promise of all.  See for yourself–Ephesians 3:14-21.  Let’s always remind ourselves and each other that we can trust God because He is faithful! 

Marriage, Generosity & ‘Nag’ Reflexes

This morning I stumbled upon great marital advice.  Excellent even… which means I wanna share with you.

Single?  Odds are 9 out of 10 of you will experience marriage in your lifetime.  So don’t roll your eyes.  Keep reading!

As for the picture, comic relief!  Being a wife means doing things you may not always love – including boy-dirtied bathrooms.  But when done with love for your hubs, you create a welcoming haven for him to come home to.  I don’t strive for perfection but seek ways to bless Brian with an organized house.  I know, call me Ma Ingalls…. but I’ve learned that a home in order is one of the best stress-relieving gifts ever!  And that’s just what he needs.

The following brief article on “Encouraging VS Nagging” is hilarious.  Please enjoy – and repost if you find it useful.  This advice has widespread application for many relationships but is especially effective in marriage (taken from http://encourageyourspouse.com/2011/07/encouraging-nagging/):

ENCOURAGING?  NAGGING? 

Are you encouraging?  Or are you nagging?

Both activities are focused toward your spouse.  Obviously, one is positive and one is negative – but what’s the real difference between the two?

Encouragement focuses on the needs and feelings of your spouse.  It’s about their strengths and their gifts.  It’s about your spouse’s concerns.  Encouragement happens when it’s the best time for your spouse to receive it.  It happens after you’ve listened and asked questions.    Encouragement – it’s all about your spouse.

Nagging focuses on the things you think your spouse needs.  Nagging identifies what you think your spouse should be feeling.  It’s about what you think is missing, what ‘should be’ and what you’re worried about.  Nagging happens when you want it to happen.   It’s your thoughts and ideas without any input from your spouse.   Nagging – it’s all about you.

Hate to break-it-to-ya …  encouragement is not about you!

Just sayin’.  : )

LOVE IT.  Must remember.

And secondly, “The Generous Wife” shares ways to bless your husband daily.  So awesome.  You can bless anyone with these ideas, and they’re fun, creative (and yes, sexy!).

While I may not recommend being sexy to anyone but your hub, you get the point.  This woman is awesome.  What a great vision for your marriage – that whole “Ask not what my hubby can do for me.  Ask what I can do for my hubby” thing (or something like that hehe).

May we all be generous wives!  And may we be as excited to love our men as the lady above : )

In case you Gentlemen thought you were off the hook — here are AWESOME tips that should keep you busy: “100 Ideas on Loving Your Wife”.  Try a new one every day, or weekly if that’s your speed.  I’m pretty positive your wife will be delighted!

As my husband says, Find ways to out-love and out-serve each other.  I’d call that a blissful marriage, and above all a wonderful testament to God in your lives.  Our love for our spouse should demonstrate to others God’s love for us: unconditional.

xoxox Summer

Follow You

Simply put, I adore this song.

Leeland and Brandon Heath’s lyrics describe the heartbeat of what I hope my life is, the impact I desire to have.

I want to follow Him.  I want to reach out and help people encounter Jesus, not the hokey-made-up-religious Jesus, but the life-altering, heart-holding, walks-with-me-talks-with-me, compassionate feels-our-hurts Man who saved my life.  And yours (even if you don’t know it yet).

Jesus has saved me from unspeakable pain.  He’s rescued me from deep darkness, from a pit of despair it took a decade to climb out of.  Just this past year I’m seeing bursts of light everywhere!  How could I have missed this?  The world is full-color, after all, a truth I once relied on others to paint for me.  I was unaware of life’s beauty then.  My reality differed.

But all that’s changed.

This is no Interwebs pity party, mind you, so please don’t break out the tissues.  This is a CELEBRATION!  Of all He’s done for me.  Of all He’s done and doing for you!  This song encapsulates that — it captures my heart in a beautiful melody.

My old music faves depress me now.  They used to be my mantras, for years.  My how God’s moved and changed and healed my heart!

He continues to more each day.  He brightens my life.  I never have to go back to that pit!  He’s shown me freedom, what tangled me up in the dark, and how to show others the way out.

And that’s the message of this song.

Once you’re free, you never wanna revisit old places.  Leave them dead and buried.  You have new horizons to explore!  You have PEOPLE to reach with His hope.

If someone saved your life, all you’d wanna do is tell others what they did.  Spread their love and share your gratitude!

And if they risked their life for you, you would likely be so stunned, so grateful, you would want to serve them somehow.  Give them something, anything, to “pay them” what you really can’t return.

But what if Someone didn’t risk their life for you.  They GAVE it.  They died so you would spring to life.  What would you do then?  And what if they died for your friends too?  Your neighbors?

I imagine you’d tell others about this person who died in your place, and theirs.  Everywhere.  As much and as often as you can.  Who does that, after all?  Who dies so that someone else may live?

We all know… Jesus did.

At times when I lose this “Gospel saving” perspective, I have only to turn on this song and sing the words.  They remind me of my heart’s true desire, where I’ve lost focus in my life.  They re-orient me to my life’s mission.

I want to follow Him …… into the world, into broken people’s homes.  But I want to leave there ……. with chains dangling from my hands, the chains of people once in bondage.  People who can know the freedom I, too, now know.

Don’t you?

Thank You loving Father for rescuing me.  Where would I be without Your grace?  Make this song my life.  I want to help bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, the year of Jubilee to those who are bound.  Help me, Father.  Enable me to be like You, Jesus.  Empower me Holy Spirit.  In Jesus’ precious name I pray, amen.

Sweet, Sweet Scripture

I like Scriptures.  They are positive.  They bring JOY!  If we practice them, we will walk in great health, peace, and prosperity in our souls.

Scripture is beautifully-written, indeed the most beautiful writing in existence.  Some may argue with that, but that’s OK by me.  I will always contend that God is the best Author of all.  In fact, He created you and He created me.

He is so creative!  God created us in His image, meaning we are creative too (wow, how humble of Him to allow us to share this remarkable trait!)  Creativity is an amazing quality, a powerful force, yet our Father found delight in sharing it with us… I believe it’s an intrinsic quality in every human being.  Just think of some of the most creative people you know: Didn’t their art inspire you?  Draw you in?  Touch some deep part of your heart and soul?  That’s God shining through them!

God is also light.  That means He does not — indeed, cannot — deceive.  He is honest through and through.  WOW!  Can you imagine never having bad motives?  Never pretending to be something/ someone you’re not OR misleading someone that you had pure intent when really you wanted glory, affirmation, money, status, power, or some other self-seeking desire?  Not Him.  He is pure of heart, pure of mind, pure of intention.  I’m reminded of the Scripture describing a man named Nathanael as one “in whom there is no guile”.  Jesus is described the same.  That’s exciting to me that Jesus Himself qualified Nathanael’s character as a man without guile.  Exciting because IT IS POSSIBLE FOR US!  One of my deepest, most heart-felt goals is to be a person in whom there is no guile.  That is my plea for my husband and my fellow church members.  I know God can do this in us — He can make us people of pure intent, pure heart, pure motivations.  But note the key word: pure.  To be pure denotes a purifying experience that burns away impurities.  I believe holiness is one of God’s chief goals and works in His people.

I wonder… do we tremble at the thought of Him?

Do we bow in humility when presenting our requests at His throne?  Do we realize we’re bowing before the Maker of heaven and earth?  Wow!  I know I forget that more often than not, and that needs to change.

Repeatedly it’s been burning in my heart that my heart needs help.  God, I often seek my own glory…. my own comfort…. friendship with man instead of friendship with the Man.  I seek the wrong things.  I stay busy instead of staying still.  And I repent — but do I really?  Because my history keeps repeating itself.

But then You intervene.  And suddenly I’m doing things I never dreamt I’d be doing!  Or old habits that clung to me for far too long begin fading away!!!!!!!  SUDDENLY, as in the blink of an eye, I am FREE to be …. You?  No no, You IN ME.  YOU IN ME — the unique expression of You as only I, Your unique creation, can be.  WOW!

How magnificent and wonderful and beautiful this creation is!  I am at times in awe of who I am when You show up in me.  But when You don’t, all I tend to see are vainglorious attempts at winning praise and affection.  Half-hearted attempts at, well, anything.  Emotion-led living.  Judgmental thoughts, a sharp tongue, and that ugly demon pride.

But You in me — that is a sight to behold!  That is where glory emits from my being….. because You peek Your head out and are free at last to use my feeble hands, my weak knees, my limited resources to do Your unlimited work!  To achieve the impossible.  To reach the ‘unreachable’.  To push harder and longer and endure well past my breaking point.  You, Sir, can do anything.  Through me.  Yes, even through me.

Most of us are well aware of our shortcomings.  But I like what my pastor said recently — if we as the Body of Christ operate together (as one), we don’t have to experience the pain of our weaknesses.  We don’t have to suffer on behalf of what each individual is limited to, not only because we all have CHRIST IN US (“the hope of glory”) but also because we can lean on Christ in each other to get us through.  And Christ is a beautiful thing, indeed the beautiful One.

But we must let loose our dead nature for the alive Christ to burst forth!  Our flesh only drags us down and keeps us — where else? — but on earth.  Taking on Christ’s nature and removing our dead selves allows us to soar in the heavenlies with Him.

Christ, who is our peace….

He is our peace.  He keeps us there, in peace, and at peace with one another.  He is the Keeper of the Peace and the Bringer of the Peace!  When we link arms and join hands, we are emulating Christ Jesus.

So what are we waiting for?  Why don’t we dive into the Scriptures?  Why don’t we — ahem, ME! — stop wasting time and FOCUS instead on Him, on His words to us, on what He may wanna teach us?

Why are we scared?  He only wants to remove the dead, whittle away the impurities, bumps and lumps!  He is making us beautiful, truly beautiful, what every woman longs to be (and every man longs to be near). 

John 8:12: Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I Am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

Don’t we want the LIGHT OF LIFE?  Don’t we want Him to illuminate our soul, riddled with passionate lusts that the heathens are controlled by, and bring peace and healing there?  Don’t we want Him to rise up in our spirits and spread love, glory, humility and wholeness wherever we go?

Do you want to touch the blind — and them see?

Do you want to comfort the brokenhearted — and bring healing to their loss?

Do you want to snatch the hell-bent from the flames?

Do you want to cooperate with our Father in the greatest Redemption story ever told?

Then what are you waiting for?  Go.  Do it :)  Just don’t do it alone.  Take Him with you — and invite other people to share the journey.  For our spirits are willing but our flesh is weak.  Let our kind Father’s Holy Spirit illuminate His word to you, one verse at a time, and see how your spirit comes alive.  See how He bursts forth and overcomes even your fleshly temptations, your temperament’s failures, your habitual behavior.  He can, has, and will continue to conquer all.

“Koinonia”: A Taste of True Community

Once upon a time, I attended the Focus on the Family Institute (now Focus Leadership Institute) in Colorado Springs.  An amazing, life-altering experience, and one of the best decisions I’ve made in my spiritual journey. 

What made it so awesome?

Fellowship!  Up until that point, I walked out my faith largely alone.  Sure I churched, retreated, Bible studied, mission-tripped, worshipped and prayed.  Yay for me!  But those didn’t change me the way people did.  Until FFI, I was living day-to-day by myself. 

The Focus Institute’s focus on community turned my world upside-down.  Suddenly I was surrounded by believers who lived their faith and passionately loved the Lord!  I felt safe, valued for who and how I am, and respected, and everyone around me was too.  It was amazing.  The men stepped up and treated us ladies with love and service – the way God designed women to be treated – instead of pursuing us for worldly reasons.  It was a slice of heaven. 

Weekly we came together for “Koinonia” – fellowship, worship, food and just QT.  I adored it!!  People were honest about where they were at.  Broken from their pasts.  In such intimacy, facades couldn’t survive, and it rocked! 

Since leaving Focus, I’ve hunted for a community of believers that compares.  I’ve struggled to find others (especially my age) willing to live their lives openly.  After several years of searching, I found myself retreating to old ways of doing relationships and feeling vulnerable at how vulnerable I became after Focus.  Being fake and “having it all together” became the norm again.  There seemed no other option. 

This is precisely why I love the article below.  God’s church – His beloved bride! – is meant to be raw, honest, confronting and confrontable (in love).  We need each other to be honest so we can grow.  We need a place we can let our guards down.  Church hasn’t been that place for me, yet.  But biblical church does not mean playing the Christian part, speaking Christianese and announcing “I’m too blessed to be stressed!” when your world’s crashing down.  It’s being the part — doing it together — and sharing when life is just plain hard. 

It’s been said that Joy shared is doubled, and grief shared is halved.  This is why everyone needs community, even the ‘independents’ among us.

So thank you to people who don’t sugar-coat life, who confess their faults and let me know mine :) because how else can we grow if we’re not challenged?  How else can we stand in tough times, like what our country’s facing, than together?  I believe the answer is we can’t. 

We need true church!  So let’s recreate it, starting with us… but if you enjoy a superficial, comfortable world, I wouldn’t apply: http://charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/30788-koinoniaa-missing-ingredient-in-todays-church

P.S. Enjoy these young men’s Focus Institute testimonies.  I, too, shared their sentiment, and 5+ years later some of my great Focus friendships endure!  http://focusyourstory.com/?p=1884, http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=133, and http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=97.

Communication: To HEAL or HURT?

Here’s a question to ask ourselves:

Is my communication helping or hurting this situation?

Is what I’m about to say/write able to bring people up or down?

No, seriously.  Ask yourself this whenever you’re tempted to write a volatile email or spread juicy gossip.  I know it’s juicy.  I know it’s like that itch you MUST scratch.  Put another way:

If they were here, would I say this – the same way? 

Maybe you would.  Maybe you – can I be direct? – struggle with being a jerk.  Then there are others, the less aggressive, who find it hard to confront people directly.  So we go to others when we’re hurt, seeking sympathy, but instead build walls and tear down other people’s relationships.  All to alleviate our own desire for revenge. 

Lately I’ve witnessed the major destruction such words bring to relationships, people slandering each other.  This is the worst kind of insult: Behind your back, when you are defenseless.  As believers in Christ, we need to be mindful of  the incredible power of our words.  Are you building people up or tearing them down?

Jesus has a word for us in this department.  A lot of words.  Hang onto your britches! 

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’  -Matt 18:15-16

Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?’  Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’  -Matt. 18:21-22

If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  -Matt 5:23-24

Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  -Matt. 7:1-2

And Solomon:

Hatred stires up strife, but love covers all sins.  -Prov. 10:12

These wise words teach us this:

1. First forgive.  I know it’s hard.  We’ve all been backstabbed, betrayed, used, abused.  But your quality of life hinges on your forgiveness (or lack of).  If you want a joyful life, you must forgive; there’s no other option.  Take it from one who learned the hard way: Grudges only destroy you and your relationships.  If you’re upset with someone, forgive them before approaching them about the issue.
2. If someone’s hurt you, GO TO THEM.  Don’t tell your boyfriend, sister/ aunt/ mother, or cubemate.  Let that person know they hurt  you and give them opportunity to explain, apologize or make amends.  Has someone ever done this for you?  What a relief that they approached you instead of telling half the town or posting angry Facebook statuses!  On the flipside, have you ever had someone do the opposite: tell your entire circle but you that you’ve offended them?  I have.  The result?  Division, misplaced anger, mega damage control.  People, let’s handle conflict responsibly, like adults.  Put your big girl panties on and deal with it head-on. 
3. If someone else is upset with you, go to them.  Do not delay!  Waiting simply gives our enemy time to weave division, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and gossip/ slander.  God makes it clear He’d rather we reconcile with others than receive our gifts.  Reconciliation first; giving second. 
4. QUIT JUDGING.  You are not your neighbor’s judge – GOD IS.  If you simply must get something off your chest about someone else, aim it at God.  He knows what you’re thinking already, and He’ll likely give you a new perspective.  For me He’s made me aware of my own failures (which He’s forgiven me of constantly) or opened my eyes to their viewpoint, the motivation behind their behavior, and His compassion for them.  Pray to Him – ask Him to help that person grow in the area of their failure.  Ask for His grace to let it go whenever they mess up.  Search scripture for similar incidences.  It is replete with wisdom on how to treat other people, none involving your vengeance!   You will be BLESSED by following this advice!!

If you have a grievance with someone, go to them today.  Refuse to talk behind their back.  People are more reasonable when you open the door for them to share their feelings and perspective with you.  You may gain valuable insight into their heart/ behavior.  If they’re unreasonable, take someone else with you.  If that doesn’t work, brush it off and move forward; you tried your best. 

This works anywhere: Home …. the Workplace …. Church …. Small groups …. Friends.  Quit adding fuel to the fire and backbiting/ gossiping.  Stop attacking and finger-pointing.  Be humble enough to admit your mistakes and give others grace to do the same.  If we’d follow this, it would stop untold amounts of drama in our lives! 

One last benefit:

A gracious woman attains honor  -Prov 11:16

Yes, forgiveness brings you honor!  I’m reminded of Taylor Swift’s gracious response to Kanye at last year’s VMAs.  Hats off to her for controlling herself when many would have reacted less kindly. 

As the Apostle Paul would say, Grace and peace to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And as I would say – Much love.  Go spread it around :)
XOXOX Summer