The Human Condition (Pt. 1)

Hey friends!

Just to preface, I’ve had this topic on my heart for a year now.  I can’t seem to shake it, even after writing in vain about it 7-8 times.

So here is my *crossed-fingers* final attempt.  I’ve divvied it up into three segments for easier reading.  I hope you enjoy it & learn something like I did :)

~Summer

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One day, I was laughing with my coworkers about the mysterious “Human Condition”.  We thought it hilarious that we could apply the phrase to anything:

“Getting on the subway is The Human Condition.  Dealing with incompetent jerks on the road is The Human Condition.  Having to slave all day to earn a paycheck is The Human Condition. Eating crappy tacos is The Human Condition.”

It was very funny and thought-provoking.  We hear so often about this part of our lives, yet none of us can define it.

Thankfully… God has given us a peek into our condition to help us understand!

We learn from His Word that we face 3 common enemies in life: Our rebellious nature (the “flesh”), Satan, and the world.  We could say, then, that The Human Condition is battling all three in our quest to know & emulate God.

But two of these threats are external (Satan & the world) – two things largely beyond our control.

Let’s focus on the one we do have authority over, with God’s help: The inward battle with our flesh.

What does God say about our flesh nature, or our “condition”?

“The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.

Like the partridge that gathers a brood that she did not hatch,
so is he who gets riches but not by justice;
in the midst of his days they will leave him,
and at his end he will be a fool.

A glorious throne set on high from the beginning
is the place of our sanctuary.
O Lord, the hope of Israel,
all who forsake You shall be put to shame;
those who turn away from You shall be written in the earth,
for they have forsaken the Lord, the fountain of living water.”

~Jeremiah 17

Our hearts are wicked!  I’ve found that many people spend their entire lives running from this truth.

Why don’t we like to believe this?  Why do so many people explain away ‘bad behavior’ with paltry excuses?

Because we can’t fix our sinful hearts ourselves… and by accepting this, we’d have to give up doing whatever we want and give up proving our “goodness”, which many find unthinkable.

So instead, when we’re faced with mass shooting sprees, child molestation, & corporate fraud, we are quick to blame things that have no control over crime (guns, knives, medications, our mental state, moms & dads, lack of education) – instead of the perpetrators.

But bad childhoods don’t hurt, rob, and kill people - PEOPLE DO.

We can’t blame “politicians”, “corporations”, “gang members”, “black people”, “feminists” or “creepy old men”.  We, and our fellow humanity as a whole, are to blame.

Can we accept the fact that we’ve done wrong?  Maybe not to the level of some people, but no honest person can say they’ve always chosen good over bad.  Even as adults, we must discipline ourselves to do the right thing (& it doesn’t always happen).  It doesn’t come – dare I say it – naturally!  It goes against the grain of our natural state, the condition we’re all in.

We gain great FREEDOM and wisdom when we admit this about ourselves & about each other, and when we quit running from reality.

Many educational programs require ethics courses.  My question is, can you force people’s moral behavior?  These classes have their place, no doubt, but *at best* they encourage people to do right by threatening consequences for unethical behavior (or promising benefits when we abstain from it).

Ethics classes don’t make people more ethical, any more than bribing kids with cookies keeps them from throwing future tantrums.  They simply entice people to play nice for a reward/to prevent punishment.  A class can’t change people’s desires – or the condition of their hearts.

As they say, You don’t have to teach kids to be bad. You have to teach them to be GOOD. 

So why are we surprised when kids grow up to be adults who continue being bad?  And why are we surprised when we find OURSELVES behaving badly?

Many people talk about seeing the “good” in everyone, which was my default mode growing up.  I loved my rose-colored glasses because it made my world a much happier place. “You see what you wanna see,” I’d think about pessimists.

Then life comes along & clobbers you in the face. The people you trust backstab you. You go into business with a person of ill repute, ignore the raging red flags, and are surprised when you’re ripped off.

“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on & suffers the consequences.” ~Prov. 27

“The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, But the naive go on, and are punished for it.” ~Prov. 22

There are inconvenient truths I don’t wanna face about people and MYSELF every day.  I can turn a blind eye, but that would make me a fool and an easy target.  There are people in the world who do not have our best interests at heart.  Sometimes we don’t have their best interests at heart either.  If we refuse to believe this, we will walk a rocky road of consequences.

There’s no need to be skeptical of everyone, but to continue skipping through the meadows with people bent on doing evil is to invite destruction into our lives.

We need to be cautious when we see warning flags about other people, and we must acknowledge that we aren’t above any temptation or sin either so that we can be on guard against falling into their behavior ourselves.

I’d like to leave us with two action items:

1. Accept that we share a common enemy: Ourselves.  If you need help overcoming something, seek God’s help and other people’s assistance to overcome it – don’t try to do it on your own!  There’s a reason you haven’t overcome it alone: You need someone stronger than yourself.
2. Accept that some people choose to NOT restrain themselves and do evil things!  Heed any “red flags” you see in other people’s lives, and guard yourself accordingly.

I’ll post Part Two soon.

Your Redemption is Near

The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.

-Romans 13:11-12

Today this Scripture was highlighted to me.  Your redemption draws nigh!

Redemption is His glory at the end of a long, difficult road.  God is weaving His redemption into each of our lives every passing day.  He is making our lives beautiful, turning what the enemy meant for evil into good.

This is the story of how He redeemed me.

Redemption from Pain

College and the years after brimmed with deep pain and darkness for me.  Some people call it the “Dark Night of the Soul”.  This was mine.

During my teenage years I had some tough experiences, things people should never have to deal with.  What followed was a decade of indescribable pain.  Life was crushing.  I don’t know how else to describe it.

The first year was a blur; I simply don’t remember much.  Each subsequent year was filled with searching, grasping for something to heal my wounds.  Utter desperation.  Despair.  Teeny glimmers of hope after all seemed lost.  And extreme confusion.

I turned over one stone only to uncover more.  There were LAYERS to this thing, this mountain of pain I held inside.  What was the answer?  What did I need most?

I realized I faced a choice: Deal with my experiences with my Healer’s help, the One I’d walked away from years prior, or turn away again to other ‘lovers’.

By the grace of God, this time around I chose Him.

As the pain intensified – which often happens on the road to freedom — I shrank back in fear, a shell of myself.  I sought Him, but leaned heavily on other crutches to make it through.  I didn’t want to unleash a torrent of struggles onto others, and I struggled to trust them, so I fumblingly turned to God again and again.  I slipped, yes!, but I returned to His feet.  I sought His heart for me.  I sought His salve and His touch… but I didn’t fully trust Him either.  Intimacy terrified me, so I played peek-a-boo with my Saviour for much too long, thinking He wouldn’t approve when He saw me up close.

But that’s not what we learn from His precious promises to us.  God shows His heart for His beloved, despite their repeated betrayal, in Hosea:

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but He will heal us;
He has injured us
but He will bind up our wounds.
After two days He will revive us;
on the third day He will restore us,
that we may live in His presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge Him.
As surely as the sun rises,
He will appear;
He will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.

-Hosea 6:1-3

Ever so slowly, light shone into my prison.  God entered and chased away my shame, one lie at a time.  He began stripping me of old habits and destructive cycles, revealing to me a new abundant way of life.  Then He did a remarkable thing.  Like His word says, He gave me a new name!, one spoken to me in the depth of the pit: JOY.  I stared back at the man who spoke this over my life, this word of faith, through the eyes of deep sadness and pain.  Joy — me?  He said I’ll bring joy wherever I go?  Wow!  How unthinkable in that season, but how like our Creator to make us into the unthinkable–something glorious–when we could’ve never accomplished it on our own.  How beautiful!  :)

One painstaking step of faith at a time, I learned to trust my Creator as He showed Himself most trustworthy!  This word became true in my life:

The LORD sets prisoners free,
the LORD gives sight to the blind,
the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,
the LORD loves the righteous.
The LORD watches over the alien
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.

-Psalm 146

This story of redemption is yours, and it is mine.  And it is life-changing when we share it with others.

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So!

Revelation 12 teaches us invaluable information about our redemption, our salvation:

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

‘Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of His Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.’

To overcome our mutual enemy, each of us must share our story in our circles– proclaim our freedom, God’s redemption of our pain!  Scripture says “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!”  Speak it.  Share our travels.  Surely somewhere along the way, we will meet others struggling through areas God has given us victory in.  With these people we are compelled to share that freedom is possible, they are not alone, and such beauty awaits them on the other side. 

And that’s why I share mine.

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
So He subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron…
He sent out His word and healed them;
He rescued them from the grave.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of His works with songs of joy.

-Psalm 107

Do you see it?  Despite our self-made prisons and self-imposed chains, God breaks down bronze gates and iron bars.  This is redemption.  It is God giving ear to our cries in our distress.  It is our powerful Saviour rescuing us from every kind of death.

Hallelujah :)

Beauty from Ashes

God didn’t just save me from darkness.  He saved me to someplace, a place He carved out for me before the world began. (Thanks to Beth Moore for this revelation!)

Ten years after the nightmare began, after believing no man would brave peering into my brokenness or would find beauty there, God gave me my heart’s desire: He made me a radiant bride!  I didn’t think this time would actually come.  If my tough experiences had taught me anything, it was that I’d always be in ‘waiting mode’.  Yet, that assumption proved false.  Even now I find it hard to wrap my mind around how far He’s brought me.  Me.  Redeemed.

Yet here I am.

My mom called my attention to this recently at my “early birthday” celebration, words I can’t forget.  She said that despite the long journey I’ve taken — the pain and sadness, my desire to get married earlier than I did, and the painful waiting period that ensued — when my time arrived, God blessed me with two weddings, two honeymoons and all kinds of two-ness (two becoming one)!  [Yes, we had two wedding celebrations: our wedding day with parents and pastor, and a huge one with all our loved ones.]  As she said this, instantly this verse flashed into my mind:

Instead of your shame
   you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
   you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
   and everlasting joy will be yours.

-Isaiah 61:7

[and in the Amplified]:

Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs.

Before marriage, I felt shame.  Many of my God-given dreams hinged on meeting the right man, starting a family and creating a life together.  But my dreams tarried.

Yet now I see how the Lord has turned each of these challenging times around for my good.  Each painful season changed something in me that needed to be changed, and each tough path I have traveled thus far has shown me new pathways to healing and freedom that I now share with others.  God has made “all things work together” on my and my husband’s behalf, and in the process He has made (and continues to make!) our story soo beautiful!

A year ago I would have never envisioned the life I’m now living every day.   I recall one moment last spring when God whispered to me, in my utter despair, “It’s always darkest before dawn.” He knew that after enough time passed and life didn’t happen as I’d imagined, hope died in me.

But God is faithful!  Eight months later I was blessed with two totally unique weddings — one flanked by New Mexico’s gorgeous snow and mountains and the other surrounded by Florida’s sunshine, sand and palm trees — and two honeymoons, when I’d only dreamed of one!  Both days were exceptionally beautiful.

Wow!  Did I deserve such grace after the places I’d been?  Or after failing to believe that He cared for me and would bless me one day?  No I didn’t.  Yet, that’s what grace means.  It isn’t earned or merited.  It is freely given.

His word promises us,

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten –
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm –
My great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will My people be shamed.

-Joel 2:25-26

Repaid me He has.  And this is just the beginning of my story.

His promises are so beautiful because they are so true!  He will give us beauty for ashes, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  That’s just what He’s done (and continuing to do) in my life.  And that’s just what He’s doing in yours.

Our Final Redemption

God’s final promise of redemption will greet us in the next life.  It is such a glorious promise!  Savor each word because this is His promise to YOU and to me, to all His children, in the place He’s preparing for us:

“Though you were once despised and hated,
with no one traveling through you,
I will make you beautiful forever,
a joy to all generations.
Powerful kings and mighty nations
will satisfy your every need,
as though you were a child
nursing at the breast of a queen.
You will know at last that I, the Lord,
am your Savior and your Redeemer,
the Mighty One of Israel.
I will exchange your bronze for gold,
your iron for silver,
your wood for bronze,
and your stones for iron.
I will make peace your leader
and righteousness your ruler.
Violence will disappear from your land;
the desolation and destruction of war will end.
Salvation will surround you like city walls,
and praise will be on the lips of all who enter there.

“No longer will you need the sun to shine by day,
nor the moon to give its light by night,
for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.
Your sun will never set;
your moon will not go down.
For the Lord will be your everlasting light.
Your days of mourning will come to an end.
All your people will be righteous.
They will possess their land forever,
for I will plant them there with My own hands
in order to bring Myself glory.
The smallest family will become a thousand people,
and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation.
At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”

-Isaiah 60

Until heaven, God will be working redemption in our lives here on earth.  Each broken part of us He redeems, each wound He heals in this life points us to our final destination and the Ultimate Redemption of mankind.  God promises a heavenly home where the sun never goes down!  Tears are not cried!  Unfathomable now, but it will be our reality later–just as I could never have hoped or dreamed or expected the life I’m now experiencing daily.  I couldn’t have even wished for the love I now know in marriage.  And this is just a glimpse of what’s to come.

I’ll leave you with God’s best promise of all.  See for yourself–Ephesians 3:14-21.  Let’s always remind ourselves and each other that we can trust God because He is faithful! 

Women of Strength

This is good — contrasting “Strong Women” who seem to have it all together (who does?) and “Women of Strength” who rely on Him to make them strong.  My favorites are bolded:

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A strong woman works out daily to keep her body in shape,
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything,
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her,
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman walks sure-footedly,
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey,
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

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In a recent job interview, I was asked (half-seriously): If you were a superhero, who would you be and why? 

My response (after laughing!): “Superwoman, because she saves the whole world — and looks great doing it!”

Hah — Yes, I’m ridiculous.  But it got me thinking.  Is this our goal as ladies?  Apparently it was mine.  But the sad truth is I’ll (probably) never be Superwoman.  A girl can dream, and a cape may look good on me, but I’ll never be able to ‘do it all’.  Is that a tough pill to swallow or what?

Not you, you say?  After all you’re lacing up those sneakers for a third half-marathon… You cook gourmet fare 5 nights a week (does Kraft count?)… Your kids are honor roll-ees (except that one semester)…. You juggle work, marriage and motherhood with grace, poise (and caffeine).  And you look good doing it.

But if we’re honest, we’re worn out from the Superwoman treadmill.  I for one want to get OFF.  And I’d like to not incur judgment for doing it.  This means we must give and receive grace for messing up.  This means we can laugh at our mistakes, not take them personally, brush ourselves off and ask for strength the next time.

Our world tells us (and we wanna believe!) we can do it all – achieve it all – but we reach The Wall eventually. We all face limitations. I fight my own weaknesses.  Funny enough, though we try to cover them up or downplay them, people around us know our faults anyway.  Time tells all.  We can’t hide them, so why not vocalize them and ask for people’s help?   This makes our struggles lose their power over us!

“But wait!” you say.  “Superwoman can’t ask for help!  Who will take her seriously?”

One of my favorite quotes ever says Never trust a leader without a limp.  If someone is unwilling to own their flaws in front of their people, they are not yet fit for leadership. A true leader must reveal who they are — warts & all — in order to successfully encourage others.  When a leader covers their struggles, they appear prideful and a tad dishonest (or outta touch with reality).  Pride leads to falls.  Dishonesty leads to much worse.  Neither trait qualifies a person to lead.

Some people have told me how “strong” I am and that I have my “act together”.  This makes me question myself: Do I show others I’m merely a strong woman who relies on myself or do I show that I’m a woman who relies on God to help me excel?  Do I grab His glory and hang onto it myself, or do I pass it on to the only One who owns it (and can handle it)?

Does my strength come from ME or from Him?  If Him, then people should be singing His praises when strength and excellence show up in my life!  People are drawn to those who have Supernatural Strength in their lives.  If you and I continuously give God the kudos, others will be more likely to turn to Him in their time of need, too.

Because we’re all weak sometimes.  We all need strength and courage and help.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  – Isaiah 40:31 

Are we pointing other ladies to Christ’s power in us, or are we keeping His praise for ourselves?  Are we relying on our own power, or are we gaining strength from Him?

Food for thought.  And (I hope) for change.

Our Daily Bread

“Come.  Eat.”

The Lord has been speaking to me the last few days about bread, over and over again.  Bread is something we all need.  Often.  

Give us this day our daily bread! 

Jesus taught us this simple prayer, one we should say to the Father when we don’t know what to pray for.  We don’t know what we need, but He does, so when you’re in need and don’t know what you’re yearning for, follow Christ’s example and ask your good Father for your daily sustenance.  He’s ready to give it.

But we must ask for it.  And we must come to Him to receive it. 

—

The Compassion of the Lord

1 “Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.
3 Incline your ear, and come to Me;
hear, that your soul may live;
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
My steadfast, sure love for David.
4 Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander for the peoples.
5 Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know,
and a nation that did not know you shall run to you,
because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel,
for He has glorified you.

6 “Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call upon Him while He is near;
7 let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.
8 For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall My word be that goes out from My mouth;
it shall not return to Me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

12 “For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

-Isaiah 55

“Koinonia”: A Taste of True Community

Once upon a time, I attended the Focus on the Family Institute (now Focus Leadership Institute) in Colorado Springs.  An amazing, life-altering experience, and one of the best decisions I’ve made in my spiritual journey. 

What made it so awesome?

Fellowship!  Up until that point, I walked out my faith largely alone.  Sure I churched, retreated, Bible studied, mission-tripped, worshipped and prayed.  Yay for me!  But those didn’t change me the way people did.  Until FFI, I was living day-to-day by myself. 

The Focus Institute’s focus on community turned my world upside-down.  Suddenly I was surrounded by believers who lived their faith and passionately loved the Lord!  I felt safe, valued for who and how I am, and respected, and everyone around me was too.  It was amazing.  The men stepped up and treated us ladies with love and service – the way God designed women to be treated – instead of pursuing us for worldly reasons.  It was a slice of heaven. 

Weekly we came together for “Koinonia” – fellowship, worship, food and just QT.  I adored it!!  People were honest about where they were at.  Broken from their pasts.  In such intimacy, facades couldn’t survive, and it rocked! 

Since leaving Focus, I’ve hunted for a community of believers that compares.  I’ve struggled to find others (especially my age) willing to live their lives openly.  After several years of searching, I found myself retreating to old ways of doing relationships and feeling vulnerable at how vulnerable I became after Focus.  Being fake and “having it all together” became the norm again.  There seemed no other option. 

This is precisely why I love the article below.  God’s church – His beloved bride! – is meant to be raw, honest, confronting and confrontable (in love).  We need each other to be honest so we can grow.  We need a place we can let our guards down.  Church hasn’t been that place for me, yet.  But biblical church does not mean playing the Christian part, speaking Christianese and announcing “I’m too blessed to be stressed!” when your world’s crashing down.  It’s being the part — doing it together — and sharing when life is just plain hard. 

It’s been said that Joy shared is doubled, and grief shared is halved.  This is why everyone needs community, even the ‘independents’ among us.

So thank you to people who don’t sugar-coat life, who confess their faults and let me know mine :) because how else can we grow if we’re not challenged?  How else can we stand in tough times, like what our country’s facing, than together?  I believe the answer is we can’t. 

We need true church!  So let’s recreate it, starting with us… but if you enjoy a superficial, comfortable world, I wouldn’t apply: http://charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/30788-koinoniaa-missing-ingredient-in-todays-church

P.S. Enjoy these young men’s Focus Institute testimonies.  I, too, shared their sentiment, and 5+ years later some of my great Focus friendships endure!  http://focusyourstory.com/?p=1884, http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=133, and http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=97.

Communication: To HEAL or HURT?

Here’s a question to ask ourselves:

Is my communication helping or hurting this situation?

Is what I’m about to say/write able to bring people up or down?

No, seriously.  Ask yourself this whenever you’re tempted to write a volatile email or spread juicy gossip.  I know it’s juicy.  I know it’s like that itch you MUST scratch.  Put another way:

If they were here, would I say this – the same way? 

Maybe you would.  Maybe you – can I be direct? – struggle with being a jerk.  Then there are others, the less aggressive, who find it hard to confront people directly.  So we go to others when we’re hurt, seeking sympathy, but instead build walls and tear down other people’s relationships.  All to alleviate our own desire for revenge. 

Lately I’ve witnessed the major destruction such words bring to relationships, people slandering each other.  This is the worst kind of insult: Behind your back, when you are defenseless.  As believers in Christ, we need to be mindful of  the incredible power of our words.  Are you building people up or tearing them down?

Jesus has a word for us in this department.  A lot of words.  Hang onto your britches! 

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’  -Matt 18:15-16

Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?’  Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’  -Matt. 18:21-22

If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  -Matt 5:23-24

Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  -Matt. 7:1-2

And Solomon:

Hatred stires up strife, but love covers all sins.  -Prov. 10:12

These wise words teach us this:

1. First forgive.  I know it’s hard.  We’ve all been backstabbed, betrayed, used, abused.  But your quality of life hinges on your forgiveness (or lack of).  If you want a joyful life, you must forgive; there’s no other option.  Take it from one who learned the hard way: Grudges only destroy you and your relationships.  If you’re upset with someone, forgive them before approaching them about the issue.
2. If someone’s hurt you, GO TO THEM.  Don’t tell your boyfriend, sister/ aunt/ mother, or cubemate.  Let that person know they hurt  you and give them opportunity to explain, apologize or make amends.  Has someone ever done this for you?  What a relief that they approached you instead of telling half the town or posting angry Facebook statuses!  On the flipside, have you ever had someone do the opposite: tell your entire circle but you that you’ve offended them?  I have.  The result?  Division, misplaced anger, mega damage control.  People, let’s handle conflict responsibly, like adults.  Put your big girl panties on and deal with it head-on. 
3. If someone else is upset with you, go to them.  Do not delay!  Waiting simply gives our enemy time to weave division, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and gossip/ slander.  God makes it clear He’d rather we reconcile with others than receive our gifts.  Reconciliation first; giving second. 
4. QUIT JUDGING.  You are not your neighbor’s judge – GOD IS.  If you simply must get something off your chest about someone else, aim it at God.  He knows what you’re thinking already, and He’ll likely give you a new perspective.  For me He’s made me aware of my own failures (which He’s forgiven me of constantly) or opened my eyes to their viewpoint, the motivation behind their behavior, and His compassion for them.  Pray to Him - ask Him to help that person grow in the area of their failure.  Ask for His grace to let it go whenever they mess up.  Search scripture for similar incidences.  It is replete with wisdom on how to treat other people, none involving your vengeance!   You will be BLESSED by following this advice!!

If you have a grievance with someone, go to them today.  Refuse to talk behind their back.  People are more reasonable when you open the door for them to share their feelings and perspective with you.  You may gain valuable insight into their heart/ behavior.  If they’re unreasonable, take someone else with you.  If that doesn’t work, brush it off and move forward; you tried your best. 

This works anywhere: Home …. the Workplace …. Church …. Small groups …. Friends.  Quit adding fuel to the fire and backbiting/ gossiping.  Stop attacking and finger-pointing.  Be humble enough to admit your mistakes and give others grace to do the same.  If we’d follow this, it would stop untold amounts of drama in our lives! 

One last benefit:

A gracious woman attains honor  -Prov 11:16

Yes, forgiveness brings you honor!  I’m reminded of Taylor Swift’s gracious response to Kanye at last year’s VMAs.  Hats off to her for controlling herself when many would have reacted less kindly. 

As the Apostle Paul would say, Grace and peace to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And as I would say - Much love.  Go spread it around :)
XOXOX Summer

Wagging Tongues

This issue is so on my heart today.  I hope my words spark change.

We all need to be listened to at times.  It is such a part of the human experience: to connect, really connect with other humans who are going through life.  Without this we shrivel up inside.  No man is an island indeed!  Every person needs to know they are safe to express themselves and loved as they are, quirky though they may be, especially in the Body of believers as our world and enemy try to daily tear us down. 

Sadly, I know a godly lady that has recently become the focus of much criticism in our circle.  It seems many believers are quick to judge fellow brothers and sisters for petty differences, from the way they talk to their heart’s motives, and then speak out against them, slandering members of their (and our) own Body!  I think many in the Body of Christ are deeply wounded by this very thing.  Where we should embrace each other’s differences, we fiercely attack them instead and reap division. 

I want people in the Body to be set free to be who God created them to be – not bound up by fear of attacks from other believers!  I’ve heard people say that their fiercest opposition and harshest critics often came from the brethren (in the church, not in their family).  Wow.  This should not be so! 

Beloved, we should be safest in the church.  Our hearts should be free to express themselves and our gifts flowing freely so we bring about God’s will wherever we go.  We should be one other’s greatest supporters, inviting others to liberty, not shame.  No stone-throwing.  Since when have wagging tongues become the norm within the Body?  How will outsiders “know us by our love” if we bite and devour one another?  Where is the Love among us that is the world’s hope? 

Jesus speaks some powerful words about judgment in Matthew 7:

Do not judge so that you will not be judged.  For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

And Jesus’s brother James says this about the tongue:

Every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race.  But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.  My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

And |sidebar| this I just found funny:

Instead, let our words be full of grace and truth!  May we encourage unity, that we may receive the blessing of Psalm 133:

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
         For brothers to dwell together in unity! 
    It is like the precious oil upon the head,
         Coming down upon the beard,
         Even Aaron’s beard,
         Coming down upon the edge of his robes. 
    It is like the dew of Hermon
         Coming down upon the mountains of Zion;
         For there the LORD commanded the blessing–life forever.