Tribute to My Best Friend

My husband's surprise meal awaiting me after night class!

Through the years we’ve all (likely) gotten on and off various treadmills in our lives.

These treadmills are when we try to earn somebody’s love, attention, respect and admiration.  I think we’ve all done it–even when we were unaware that’s what we were seeking.  The driven executive.  The perpetually-busy housewife.  The promiscuous teen/young adult (or older).  The tough guy.  The trendsetter.

Of course there are literal treadmills–”Run run run, fast as you can…”  I’ve easily (and sadly) spent half my life chasing this dream.  Let’s just say I’m not succeeding.

Then there are other kinds of treadmills we gauge our success by.  I tried one (laughable) one: Best cook!  That was a briefer stint.  Short story?  Fail (but a happy one, as any well-fed cook can attest)  :)

At some point I set my sights on being “Most popular” with the boys.  This I succeeded at quite well, til one day I realized they weren’t always seeking my best interest.  So I ran away.  And built walls, lots of walls.  John Eldredge calls this the “tower” every knight must rescue his princess from, claiming that every lady’s built one [slightly cheesy, but no less true].  Mine was a fortress!

My husband is the only one who persistently broke down my defenses–in just a shade under four years.  [I'd label this endeavor of mine a successful fail: I got a fabulous hubby outta the deal, but completely apart from my efforts].

One of my favorite thoughts about my husband is that he met me at my worst.  I love it.  I was my most homely (which makes me smile :), my most bare-faced, anti-social, uncharming, and in my mind unloveliest.

Enter future hubby.

Somehow God veiled his eyes (?) and he became captivated by me–I mean really captivated.  He saw the quirks in my behavior yet pursued me anyway (example: our first full-fledged encounter consisted of him hanging out with me as I tackled Sudoku–for 45 minutes–in near silence.  Yes really).

He asked me out that night.

No part of where I was at back then captured me at my best.  No part.  I was unemployed for crying out loud and living with my parents.  I mean, does that scream “MARRY ME” or what?

Yet three-and-a-half years later, that’s precisely what he did.  Just a short block from the home we Sudoku-ed in “together”.

And in that very same place–my parents’ beautiful home–we celebrated our engagement, and two months later, our marriage.

Wow.

Last night I dreamt about my husband.  He was personified as a brother, someone who was always around, helping, being considerate, positive and generally awesome (per usual, if you know him!  And maybe not-so-usual for the average brother), but someone firmly in the “Just Friends” box.

Or so I thought.

At some point in my dream, he emerged from the Friend Zone and became the man who captured my attention and won my heart.  It was an amazing dream, paralleling what happened with us in real life and highlighting all his strengths and fantastic qualities–ones I greatly esteem and admire.

I woke up reinvigorated with love for my husband, who I said “I do” to just 9 1/2 short months ago: New Years Day 2011 (that’s 1.1.11 for you sentimental ones).

We didn’t even plan the timing.  But part of me thinks God did.

Another part of me thinks God knew what He was doing when He sent Brian to me when I stood on the lowest rung of the ladder of success.  A girl who based her worth on her “ability to perform” meets the man of her dreams at the apex of her failure.

Coincidence?  I’m beginning to think not.  One day I had this epiphany that reaching rock bottom meant ”It can only go up from here” with him.  That was a beautiful and freeing place to be.

God bless him.  Really!  God, please bless him, for nights like tonight…

I was struggling.  So my husband checked outta work early, drove home (while on the phone with Negative Nancy herself), and rushed to my aid.  He came in our room, where I was lying on our bed, and just hugged me.  Enveloped me.  Loved me when I was so incredibly down and feeling broken.

God, You knew what I needed… back then in 2007 when we ‘met’ at my parents’ home… and today in his parents’ home, the one we all share, when he said I’m beautiful and loved me at my worst.

How could that be?

On days like today when I think God can’t possibly love and accept me in light of my failures, weaknesses and bad (okay, terrible) attitudes, I see my husband’s love and accept the growing realization that God must love me, too.  Because how else could I deserve to be blessed with such a man in my life?  What did I do to earn his love?

I’m so grateful I’ll never know… because someone as incredible as my husband loves me at my worst, and one day (I oh-so-hope) he can love me at my best.

Thanks God for such a gift–a man who is loving me back to life.

Settle It Today

A most excellent post–one of the best I’ve read in a long time (author Regi Campbell).

I want to implement this principle in my life: Always settle it today.  I hope you will, too.

xoxoxox,
Summer

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What’s Down In The Well

October 10, 2011 in blog with 0 Comments

What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.

One of my young executives taught me a principle years ago that I’ve never forgotten. It was cathartic for me as a leader….and as a husband.

He said, “When something one of your employees does bothers you, confront them with it before that day ends. No matter how petty…how trivial…how embarrassing, confront it.”  Don’t go home; don’t let them go home without talking it out.

For years, I harbored grudges against my wife. “She’s not this”, “She’s not that” I’d complain to my friends (and anyone who would listen). Ultimately, my deceptive little heart used these judgements to pull away from her. I became even more critical…..more caustic. I used her “failings” to justify all kinds of failings on my end. It ended in disaster, with her leaving me and my life in shambles.

What would have happened if I had dealt with all that stuff? What if I had gone to an older, wiser friend and told him about my feelings and my judgements of her? What if I’d talked those things out with her IMMEDIATELY after I started feeling them? Who knows.

The reality is that it took her leaving to wake me up to the junk I had hidden down in my “well”. I couldn’t suppress it forever. It was going to come out; if not in the “bucket” of my words, in the “bucket” of my behavior. Like a splinter buried deep in the sole of your foot, it’s gotta’ come out or it’s gonna’ lead to real problems.

God created us for relationships. With Him, His son, His spirit and with other people. He taught us to keep short accounts…like “before dark” short. When we “man up” and deal with what’s lodged in our hearts, we’ll be healthier, “lighter”,  and more lovable.

It’s a discipline worth committing to.

Today.

I have to bring it up today.

I have to settle it today.

I have to talk it through today.

Don’t let yourself off the hook any more.

Deal with it now.

“Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”  Proverbs 4:23

P.S. My  wife came back and we started over. Married 42 years now, the 28 since she left and came back have been extraordinary, thanks to the grace of Jesus Christ and Miriam Campbell. 

*Read the original post here: http://radicalmentoring.com/2011/10/whats-down-in-the-well/.

Playing it (Too) Safe

Just turned twenty-eight.  Wooohooo.  Blow the kazoo, I’m one step closer to 30!

From the get-go of this year, I sensed God saying that this was the year I’d face my fears. 

Uh oh. 

You see, I had this sudden twenty-eight-year-old epiphany.  I’m not fully living.

Why not?  I’m scared to.

I’m confined–or rather, I confine myself–to a handful of places (all pre-screened of course).  Anywhere I feel safe.

But I’ve never been a “stay-at-home, play-it-safe” kinda girl.  Or rather, I wasn’t.  This is a recent development.

Growing up, I was an adventurer at heart!  Amelia Earhart was my favorite heroine.  I relished the joy of discovery–in my backyard, with new friends, learning new ideas.  With people, I boldly trusted often and many.  People mocked my open-eyed wonder and idealistic view of life, but I was ummoved.  I had no reason to question the beauty of our world.

I’ve been an explorer throughout my life.  As a child, my family jet-setted us around the country.  Then in college, I studied abroad, trekking across a near-dozen European countries, and later spent time in South Africa on a missions trip.  After graduation, I spent a semester at a leadership institute in Colorado Springs, then took a three-week roadtrip across the country before settling “home” in Florida for a few years.  Next came a dramatic move to Atlanta, and ultimately I landed here in Austin, Texas.

I loved all of it–the adventures, up and downs, sleeping in airports, planes-trains-automobiles, crazy experiences and had-to-be-there moments.

While abroad, I learned something fascinating.  In life, there are two types of people: Travelers and Tourists.  We can learn a lesson from both.

Tourists are focused on checklists, efficiency, tour guides and buses.  They can’t fathom wasting precious travel time on an unplanned detour.  They want to somehow control the process of discovery and, thus, miss the very essence of traveling.  Yes, they saw The Pietà and walked the Great Wall of China, but they did so at the expense of the journey–being immersed in a new world, interacting with people not-unlike-themselves.

Au contraire, Travelers linger in each place they visit, taking in the sights/sounds/tastes/funny people/and quirky charm of each destination.  They chill at a cafe instead of standing in line for the Eiffel Tower.  They allow the journey to lead them down unexpected paths–and don’t try to mold their experience to some guidebook.

Okay, you’re wondering, What do Travelers and Tourists have to do with “playing it safe”?

Everything!

With each new place I visited, my world got bigger.  My travels forced me outside my American mentality and broadened horizons.  Suddenly my world exploded in size.  I know, cliche right?  But true!

We must leave our tiny towns to realize how big our world is and appreciate that as fellow people, we’re “all in this together”, regardless of our locale.

When we stay in the smallness of our worlds, we can forget others living with much deeper needs than ours or who are plodding the same path we are.

Living small makes us small.  We lose sight of new ways of living and think our culture has the best and only way.  Hah!  :) We should try a Spanish siesta for a change-of-pace or lounge in restaurants for 3 to 4 hours like the French do.  Maybe we should visit Hong Kong’s brightly-lit grittiness or encounter the third-world-country reality.

I believe our borders are much too small.  And sadly, in my own life, I’ve forgotten these lessons. 

I’ve lost sight of our big world–allowed fear to thrive and squeeze out my adventurous spirit.  I’ve started living dangerously small–don’t-leave-the-house, don’t-talk-to-people-everyday, worry-about-our-cushy-5-figure-income small.

I’ve gotten–comfortable.  I’ve stopped taking risks.  I’ve stopped putting myself out there.  I’ve started hiding in my comfort zone, fearing newness and settling into (say it ain’t so!) routines.  (For Adventurers at heart, routine is a four-letter word!)

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.

The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day, to have a new and different sun.”

-Chris McCandless, “Into the Wild”

When did I become like this?

I’ve become a shell of myself.  I’m not connecting with people anymore.  And in marriage, I’m reaching a wall–the wall built with my two hands.  The wall of isolation, the one I erected (funny word :) to keep others at bay.

And it’s working.

No one knows the hurt I carry except my (sweet) (overwhelmed) (strong/brave) hubby.  He witnesses the meltdowns, the fear-filled accusations hurled his way, the trepidation and caution with which I approach new people now.

Apparently somewhere along the way, my heart decided it’d had enough.  People were ‘all the same’, more or less, and relationships were painful.  People weren’t who they said they were–didn’t stick around like they promised–took without apology or retribution–didn’t care, wrapped up in their own worlds (me included).

In short, people were people.

So I stopped journeying out of my comfort zone, embracing new places and people and experiences, investing in new relationships.  I maintained old ones, yes, but tentatively.  And you-better-believe I cut off any decidedly crappy friends.

My pastor called me out recently, exposing a false belief I didn’t even know I had.  He recognized my need for Control in my life today, saying my strict religious upbringing (wonderful in ways, very controlled in others) gave me a sense of security with its high level of “Controls”.  When I ventured beyond these in college and got hurt, I re-implemented serious Controls to make sure that never happened again.  Some call this legalism.  I like to call it being religulous :)

I convinced myself that controlling my world would keep me safe–so I made sure nothing threatened my security again.  This required a major adjustment to my adventure-loving lifestyle.

I began avoiding risky adventures with the same gusto I once pursued them.  I stopped revisiting any place I’d been scarred, especially Big Bad Scary Places like bars/clubs, parties, and anywhere with free-flowing alcohol and undisciplined men [wisely so, I'll add].  This spilled over into an avoidance of certain sections of town… then being around people who reminded me of so-and-so… then eventually anywhere–in large part–outside of God’s house (not entirely safe either, as there are humans in there!).

I thought this was the answer to pain–avoid crazy adventures, people and places, and be content staying right where you’re at.

So I went into hiding.

I’ve hidden in judgment (certainly), religiousness/spiritual activity, and–most alarming to me because I wasn’t aware til marriage–denying reality.

But withdrawing isn’t the answer.  It can’t be.  God says ‘Go into all the world’, something my younger self said YES! to without question.  Every time I withdraw, I squelch who I really am: that excited traveler who relishes each new discovery made.

My tiny, fear-based, me-centered world is miserable.  But where can I go?  How can I be safe out there?  Lions.  Tigers.  Bears!

But when I’m old, do I want to say I lived “free from harm”, avoiding every imperfection/sin in others (and thus pain)?  Each tempting scenario and uncontrollable situation?

No.  Never.

So I can’t stay here anymore.  I must conquer this debilitating fear or risk traveling the landscape of my life like a Tourist: full of checklists, ‘to-dos’, rigid rules and especially “Thou shalt nots”.  I’ll be so focused on controlling my life that I’ll miss the beautiful journey altogether. 

And I think that would be the saddest sin of all.  To live small.

So how do I break myself free from this “prison” of one?  And how will you?

Your Redemption is Near

The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.

-Romans 13:11-12

Today this Scripture was highlighted to me.  Your redemption draws nigh!

Redemption is His glory at the end of a long, difficult road.  God is weaving His redemption into each of our lives every passing day.  He is making our lives beautiful, turning what the enemy meant for evil into good.

This is the story of how He redeemed me.

Redemption from Pain

College and the years after brimmed with deep pain and darkness for me.  Some people call it the “Dark Night of the Soul”.  This was mine.

During my teenage years I had some tough experiences, things people should never have to deal with.  What followed was a decade of indescribable pain.  Life was crushing.  I don’t know how else to describe it.

The first year was a blur; I simply don’t remember much.  Each subsequent year was filled with searching, grasping for something to heal my wounds.  Utter desperation.  Despair.  Teeny glimmers of hope after all seemed lost.  And extreme confusion.

I turned over one stone only to uncover more.  There were LAYERS to this thing, this mountain of pain I held inside.  What was the answer?  What did I need most?

I realized I faced a choice: Deal with my experiences with my Healer’s help, the One I’d walked away from years prior, or turn away again to other ‘lovers’.

By the grace of God, this time around I chose Him.

As the pain intensified – which often happens on the road to freedom — I shrank back in fear, a shell of myself.  I sought Him, but leaned heavily on other crutches to make it through.  I didn’t want to unleash a torrent of struggles onto others, and I struggled to trust them, so I fumblingly turned to God again and again.  I slipped, yes!, but I returned to His feet.  I sought His heart for me.  I sought His salve and His touch… but I didn’t fully trust Him either.  Intimacy terrified me, so I played peek-a-boo with my Saviour for much too long, thinking He wouldn’t approve when He saw me up close.

But that’s not what we learn from His precious promises to us.  God shows His heart for His beloved, despite their repeated betrayal, in Hosea:

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but He will heal us;
He has injured us
but He will bind up our wounds.
After two days He will revive us;
on the third day He will restore us,
that we may live in His presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge Him.
As surely as the sun rises,
He will appear;
He will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.

-Hosea 6:1-3

Ever so slowly, light shone into my prison.  God entered and chased away my shame, one lie at a time.  He began stripping me of old habits and destructive cycles, revealing to me a new abundant way of life.  Then He did a remarkable thing.  Like His word says, He gave me a new name!, one spoken to me in the depth of the pit: JOY.  I stared back at the man who spoke this over my life, this word of faith, through the eyes of deep sadness and pain.  Joy — me?  He said I’ll bring joy wherever I go?  Wow!  How unthinkable in that season, but how like our Creator to make us into the unthinkable–something glorious–when we could’ve never accomplished it on our own.  How beautiful!  :)

One painstaking step of faith at a time, I learned to trust my Creator as He showed Himself most trustworthy!  This word became true in my life:

The LORD sets prisoners free,
the LORD gives sight to the blind,
the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,
the LORD loves the righteous.
The LORD watches over the alien
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.

-Psalm 146

This story of redemption is yours, and it is mine.  And it is life-changing when we share it with others.

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So!

Revelation 12 teaches us invaluable information about our redemption, our salvation:

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

‘Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of His Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.’

To overcome our mutual enemy, each of us must share our story in our circles– proclaim our freedom, God’s redemption of our pain!  Scripture says “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!”  Speak it.  Share our travels.  Surely somewhere along the way, we will meet others struggling through areas God has given us victory in.  With these people we are compelled to share that freedom is possible, they are not alone, and such beauty awaits them on the other side. 

And that’s why I share mine.

Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
So He subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind,
for He breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron…
He sent out His word and healed them;
He rescued them from the grave.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for His unfailing love
and His wonderful deeds for mankind.
Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of His works with songs of joy.

-Psalm 107

Do you see it?  Despite our self-made prisons and self-imposed chains, God breaks down bronze gates and iron bars.  This is redemption.  It is God giving ear to our cries in our distress.  It is our powerful Saviour rescuing us from every kind of death.

Hallelujah :)

Beauty from Ashes

God didn’t just save me from darkness.  He saved me to someplace, a place He carved out for me before the world began. (Thanks to Beth Moore for this revelation!)

Ten years after the nightmare began, after believing no man would brave peering into my brokenness or would find beauty there, God gave me my heart’s desire: He made me a radiant bride!  I didn’t think this time would actually come.  If my tough experiences had taught me anything, it was that I’d always be in ‘waiting mode’.  Yet, that assumption proved false.  Even now I find it hard to wrap my mind around how far He’s brought me.  Me.  Redeemed.

Yet here I am.

My mom called my attention to this recently at my “early birthday” celebration, words I can’t forget.  She said that despite the long journey I’ve taken — the pain and sadness, my desire to get married earlier than I did, and the painful waiting period that ensued — when my time arrived, God blessed me with two weddings, two honeymoons and all kinds of two-ness (two becoming one)!  [Yes, we had two wedding celebrations: our wedding day with parents and pastor, and a huge one with all our loved ones.]  As she said this, instantly this verse flashed into my mind:

Instead of your shame
   you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
   you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
   and everlasting joy will be yours.

-Isaiah 61:7

[and in the Amplified]:

Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs.

Before marriage, I felt shame.  Many of my God-given dreams hinged on meeting the right man, starting a family and creating a life together.  But my dreams tarried.

Yet now I see how the Lord has turned each of these challenging times around for my good.  Each painful season changed something in me that needed to be changed, and each tough path I have traveled thus far has shown me new pathways to healing and freedom that I now share with others.  God has made “all things work together” on my and my husband’s behalf, and in the process He has made (and continues to make!) our story soo beautiful!

A year ago I would have never envisioned the life I’m now living every day.   I recall one moment last spring when God whispered to me, in my utter despair, “It’s always darkest before dawn.” He knew that after enough time passed and life didn’t happen as I’d imagined, hope died in me.

But God is faithful!  Eight months later I was blessed with two totally unique weddings — one flanked by New Mexico’s gorgeous snow and mountains and the other surrounded by Florida’s sunshine, sand and palm trees — and two honeymoons, when I’d only dreamed of one!  Both days were exceptionally beautiful.

Wow!  Did I deserve such grace after the places I’d been?  Or after failing to believe that He cared for me and would bless me one day?  No I didn’t.  Yet, that’s what grace means.  It isn’t earned or merited.  It is freely given.

His word promises us,

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten –
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm –
My great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will My people be shamed.

-Joel 2:25-26

Repaid me He has.  And this is just the beginning of my story.

His promises are so beautiful because they are so true!  He will give us beauty for ashes, a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  That’s just what He’s done (and continuing to do) in my life.  And that’s just what He’s doing in yours.

Our Final Redemption

God’s final promise of redemption will greet us in the next life.  It is such a glorious promise!  Savor each word because this is His promise to YOU and to me, to all His children, in the place He’s preparing for us:

“Though you were once despised and hated,
with no one traveling through you,
I will make you beautiful forever,
a joy to all generations.
Powerful kings and mighty nations
will satisfy your every need,
as though you were a child
nursing at the breast of a queen.
You will know at last that I, the Lord,
am your Savior and your Redeemer,
the Mighty One of Israel.
I will exchange your bronze for gold,
your iron for silver,
your wood for bronze,
and your stones for iron.
I will make peace your leader
and righteousness your ruler.
Violence will disappear from your land;
the desolation and destruction of war will end.
Salvation will surround you like city walls,
and praise will be on the lips of all who enter there.

“No longer will you need the sun to shine by day,
nor the moon to give its light by night,
for the Lord your God will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.
Your sun will never set;
your moon will not go down.
For the Lord will be your everlasting light.
Your days of mourning will come to an end.
All your people will be righteous.
They will possess their land forever,
for I will plant them there with My own hands
in order to bring Myself glory.
The smallest family will become a thousand people,
and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation.
At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”

-Isaiah 60

Until heaven, God will be working redemption in our lives here on earth.  Each broken part of us He redeems, each wound He heals in this life points us to our final destination and the Ultimate Redemption of mankind.  God promises a heavenly home where the sun never goes down!  Tears are not cried!  Unfathomable now, but it will be our reality later–just as I could never have hoped or dreamed or expected the life I’m now experiencing daily.  I couldn’t have even wished for the love I now know in marriage.  And this is just a glimpse of what’s to come.

I’ll leave you with God’s best promise of all.  See for yourself–Ephesians 3:14-21.  Let’s always remind ourselves and each other that we can trust God because He is faithful! 

Marriage, Generosity & ‘Nag’ Reflexes

This morning I stumbled upon great marital advice.  Excellent even… which means I wanna share with you.

Single?  Odds are 9 out of 10 of you will experience marriage in your lifetime.  So don’t roll your eyes.  Keep reading!

As for the picture, comic relief!  Being a wife means doing things you may not always love – including boy-dirtied bathrooms.  But when done with love for your hubs, you create a welcoming haven for him to come home to.  I don’t strive for perfection but seek ways to bless Brian with an organized house.  I know, call me Ma Ingalls…. but I’ve learned that a home in order is one of the best stress-relieving gifts ever!  And that’s just what he needs.

The following brief article on “Encouraging VS Nagging” is hilarious.  Please enjoy – and repost if you find it useful.  This advice has widespread application for many relationships but is especially effective in marriage (taken from http://encourageyourspouse.com/2011/07/encouraging-nagging/):

ENCOURAGING?  NAGGING? 

Are you encouraging?  Or are you nagging?

Both activities are focused toward your spouse.  Obviously, one is positive and one is negative – but what’s the real difference between the two?

Encouragement focuses on the needs and feelings of your spouse.  It’s about their strengths and their gifts.  It’s about your spouse’s concerns.  Encouragement happens when it’s the best time for your spouse to receive it.  It happens after you’ve listened and asked questions.    Encouragement – it’s all about your spouse.

Nagging focuses on the things you think your spouse needs.  Nagging identifies what you think your spouse should be feeling.  It’s about what you think is missing, what ‘should be’ and what you’re worried about.  Nagging happens when you want it to happen.   It’s your thoughts and ideas without any input from your spouse.   Nagging – it’s all about you.

Hate to break-it-to-ya …  encouragement is not about you!

Just sayin’.  : )

LOVE IT.  Must remember.

And secondly, “The Generous Wife” shares ways to bless your husband daily.  So awesome.  You can bless anyone with these ideas, and they’re fun, creative (and yes, sexy!).

While I may not recommend being sexy to anyone but your hub, you get the point.  This woman is awesome.  What a great vision for your marriage – that whole “Ask not what my hubby can do for me.  Ask what I can do for my hubby” thing (or something like that hehe).

May we all be generous wives!  And may we be as excited to love our men as the lady above : )

In case you Gentlemen thought you were off the hook – here are AWESOME tips that should keep you busy: “100 Ideas on Loving Your Wife”.  Try a new one every day, or weekly if that’s your speed.  I’m pretty positive your wife will be delighted!

As my husband says, Find ways to out-love and out-serve each other.  I’d call that a blissful marriage, and above all a wonderful testament to God in your lives.  Our love for our spouse should demonstrate to others God’s love for us: unconditional.

xoxox Summer

Sweet, Sweet Scripture

I like Scriptures.  They are positive.  They bring JOY!  If we practice them, we will walk in great health, peace, and prosperity in our souls.

Scripture is beautifully-written, indeed the most beautiful writing in existence.  Some may argue with that, but that’s OK by me.  I will always contend that God is the best Author of all.  In fact, He created you and He created me.

He is so creative!  God created us in His image, meaning we are creative too (wow, how humble of Him to allow us to share this remarkable trait!)  Creativity is an amazing quality, a powerful force, yet our Father found delight in sharing it with us… I believe it’s an intrinsic quality in every human being.  Just think of some of the most creative people you know: Didn’t their art inspire you?  Draw you in?  Touch some deep part of your heart and soul?  That’s God shining through them!

God is also light.  That means He does not — indeed, cannot – deceive.  He is honest through and through.  WOW!  Can you imagine never having bad motives?  Never pretending to be something/ someone you’re not OR misleading someone that you had pure intent when really you wanted glory, affirmation, money, status, power, or some other self-seeking desire?  Not Him.  He is pure of heart, pure of mind, pure of intention.  I’m reminded of the Scripture describing a man named Nathanael as one “in whom there is no guile”.  Jesus is described the same.  That’s exciting to me that Jesus Himself qualified Nathanael’s character as a man without guile.  Exciting because IT IS POSSIBLE FOR US!  One of my deepest, most heart-felt goals is to be a person in whom there is no guile.  That is my plea for my husband and my fellow church members.  I know God can do this in us — He can make us people of pure intent, pure heart, pure motivations.  But note the key word: pure.  To be pure denotes a purifying experience that burns away impurities.  I believe holiness is one of God’s chief goals and works in His people.

I wonder… do we tremble at the thought of Him?

Do we bow in humility when presenting our requests at His throne?  Do we realize we’re bowing before the Maker of heaven and earth?  Wow!  I know I forget that more often than not, and that needs to change.

Repeatedly it’s been burning in my heart that my heart needs help.  God, I often seek my own glory…. my own comfort…. friendship with man instead of friendship with the Man.  I seek the wrong things.  I stay busy instead of staying still.  And I repent — but do I really?  Because my history keeps repeating itself.

But then You intervene.  And suddenly I’m doing things I never dreamt I’d be doing!  Or old habits that clung to me for far too long begin fading away!!!!!!!  SUDDENLY, as in the blink of an eye, I am FREE to be …. You?  No no, You IN ME.  YOU IN ME — the unique expression of You as only I, Your unique creation, can be.  WOW!

How magnificent and wonderful and beautiful this creation is!  I am at times in awe of who I am when You show up in me.  But when You don’t, all I tend to see are vainglorious attempts at winning praise and affection.  Half-hearted attempts at, well, anything.  Emotion-led living.  Judgmental thoughts, a sharp tongue, and that ugly demon pride.

But You in me — that is a sight to behold!  That is where glory emits from my being….. because You peek Your head out and are free at last to use my feeble hands, my weak knees, my limited resources to do Your unlimited work!  To achieve the impossible.  To reach the ‘unreachable’.  To push harder and longer and endure well past my breaking point.  You, Sir, can do anything.  Through me.  Yes, even through me.

Most of us are well aware of our shortcomings.  But I like what my pastor said recently — if we as the Body of Christ operate together (as one), we don’t have to experience the pain of our weaknesses.  We don’t have to suffer on behalf of what each individual is limited to, not only because we all have CHRIST IN US (“the hope of glory”) but also because we can lean on Christ in each other to get us through.  And Christ is a beautiful thing, indeed the beautiful One.

But we must let loose our dead nature for the alive Christ to burst forth!  Our flesh only drags us down and keeps us — where else? — but on earth.  Taking on Christ’s nature and removing our dead selves allows us to soar in the heavenlies with Him.

Christ, who is our peace….

He is our peace.  He keeps us there, in peace, and at peace with one another.  He is the Keeper of the Peace and the Bringer of the Peace!  When we link arms and join hands, we are emulating Christ Jesus.

So what are we waiting for?  Why don’t we dive into the Scriptures?  Why don’t we — ahem, ME! — stop wasting time and FOCUS instead on Him, on His words to us, on what He may wanna teach us?

Why are we scared?  He only wants to remove the dead, whittle away the impurities, bumps and lumps!  He is making us beautiful, truly beautiful, what every woman longs to be (and every man longs to be near). 

John 8:12: Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I Am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

Don’t we want the LIGHT OF LIFE?  Don’t we want Him to illuminate our soul, riddled with passionate lusts that the heathens are controlled by, and bring peace and healing there?  Don’t we want Him to rise up in our spirits and spread love, glory, humility and wholeness wherever we go?

Do you want to touch the blind — and them see?

Do you want to comfort the brokenhearted — and bring healing to their loss?

Do you want to snatch the hell-bent from the flames?

Do you want to cooperate with our Father in the greatest Redemption story ever told?

Then what are you waiting for?  Go.  Do it :)  Just don’t do it alone.  Take Him with you — and invite other people to share the journey.  For our spirits are willing but our flesh is weak.  Let our kind Father’s Holy Spirit illuminate His word to you, one verse at a time, and see how your spirit comes alive.  See how He bursts forth and overcomes even your fleshly temptations, your temperament’s failures, your habitual behavior.  He can, has, and will continue to conquer all.

Wedded Bliss

Today, three-months into marriage, I stumbled upon these beautiful songs I’d saved for the day when the right man came into my life. 

So many times I listened to these songs, dreaming of that day (yes, I’m such a girl!).  Yet despite my growing desire for commitment, my fears kept it at arms-length, whispering to me that it would somehow unravel me. 

But last summer, something BIG changed.  The day came when my passion for experiencing true love superceded my fear, and now I stand 3-months deep into a lifelong journey of loving one person through thick&thin, wedded bliss and yes, ugly sin.  Marriage, I’ve learned, is far more deep, complex, joyful and exciting than I’d ever imagined, dreamed or hoped!  Marriage is a beautiful thing, precisely because it’s imperfect.  God shows us how much He loves us by teaching us to love and be loved in the most marred areas of our hearts, at our core, where no one else dared tread.  Beautiful indeed.

In honor of this, I dedicate these songs to my husband and to finding the right person (in whatever magical, divine way that happens), falling in love, and taking the plunge.  It can be scary — I know — but beyond worth it. 

As it was once said, “The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.”  But you won’t experience intimacy any other way than if you let someone in, share your true self with them, and give them the opportunity to love you back.  All I can say?  The best decision I’ve ever made.