Lay it All Down

Music has a way of expressing how we feel… stealing words right outta our hearts, better said than we ever could.  Sometimes they pinpoint how we’ve been feeling or what we’ve been struggling with for so long, something we couldn’t put our own finger on.

This is such a song.

Nightminds
Missy Higgins

Just lay it all down
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out
I know, I know, I know
I knew before you got home

This world you’re in now
It doesn’t have to be alone
I’ll get there somehow, ’cause
I know, I know, I know
When even springtime feels cold

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see
So we can both be there
And we can both share the dark
And in our honesty, together we will rise
Out of our nightminds, and into the light
At the end of the fight

You were blessed by
A different kind of inner view
It’s all magnified
The highs would make you fly
But the lows make you want to die

And I was once there
Hanging from that very ledge where you are standing
So I know, I know, I know
It’s easier to let go

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see
So we can both be there
And we can both share the dark
And in our honesty, together we will rise
Out of our nightminds
And into the light at the end of the fight

And in our honesty, together we will rise
Out of our nightminds
And into the light at the end of the fight

After a time in my life when most of my relationships have been tested and tried, I’ve found myself meditating on what true loyalty means.  What it looks like in relationships.  If it’s possible, even in me.

This song just touched my heart, so I had to share.  It describes the true-blue loyal friend we’re all seeking: one who sees your struggles, sticks by your side through it and shares the dark with you… then helps you walk together toward new light.  New hope and peace.  A new perspective.

God, to be such a friend and to have one!

Sweet, Sweet Scripture

I like Scriptures.  They are positive.  They bring JOY!  If we practice them, we will walk in great health, peace, and prosperity in our souls.

Scripture is beautifully-written, indeed the most beautiful writing in existence.  Some may argue with that, but that’s OK by me.  I will always contend that God is the best Author of all.  In fact, He created you and He created me.

He is so creative!  God created us in His image, meaning we are creative too (wow, how humble of Him to allow us to share this remarkable trait!)  Creativity is an amazing quality, a powerful force, yet our Father found delight in sharing it with us… I believe it’s an intrinsic quality in every human being.  Just think of some of the most creative people you know: Didn’t their art inspire you?  Draw you in?  Touch some deep part of your heart and soul?  That’s God shining through them!

God is also light.  That means He does not — indeed, cannot – deceive.  He is honest through and through.  WOW!  Can you imagine never having bad motives?  Never pretending to be something/ someone you’re not OR misleading someone that you had pure intent when really you wanted glory, affirmation, money, status, power, or some other self-seeking desire?  Not Him.  He is pure of heart, pure of mind, pure of intention.  I’m reminded of the Scripture describing a man named Nathanael as one “in whom there is no guile”.  Jesus is described the same.  That’s exciting to me that Jesus Himself qualified Nathanael’s character as a man without guile.  Exciting because IT IS POSSIBLE FOR US!  One of my deepest, most heart-felt goals is to be a person in whom there is no guile.  That is my plea for my husband and my fellow church members.  I know God can do this in us — He can make us people of pure intent, pure heart, pure motivations.  But note the key word: pure.  To be pure denotes a purifying experience that burns away impurities.  I believe holiness is one of God’s chief goals and works in His people.

I wonder… do we tremble at the thought of Him?

Do we bow in humility when presenting our requests at His throne?  Do we realize we’re bowing before the Maker of heaven and earth?  Wow!  I know I forget that more often than not, and that needs to change.

Repeatedly it’s been burning in my heart that my heart needs help.  God, I often seek my own glory…. my own comfort…. friendship with man instead of friendship with the Man.  I seek the wrong things.  I stay busy instead of staying still.  And I repent — but do I really?  Because my history keeps repeating itself.

But then You intervene.  And suddenly I’m doing things I never dreamt I’d be doing!  Or old habits that clung to me for far too long begin fading away!!!!!!!  SUDDENLY, as in the blink of an eye, I am FREE to be …. You?  No no, You IN ME.  YOU IN ME — the unique expression of You as only I, Your unique creation, can be.  WOW!

How magnificent and wonderful and beautiful this creation is!  I am at times in awe of who I am when You show up in me.  But when You don’t, all I tend to see are vainglorious attempts at winning praise and affection.  Half-hearted attempts at, well, anything.  Emotion-led living.  Judgmental thoughts, a sharp tongue, and that ugly demon pride.

But You in me — that is a sight to behold!  That is where glory emits from my being….. because You peek Your head out and are free at last to use my feeble hands, my weak knees, my limited resources to do Your unlimited work!  To achieve the impossible.  To reach the ‘unreachable’.  To push harder and longer and endure well past my breaking point.  You, Sir, can do anything.  Through me.  Yes, even through me.

Most of us are well aware of our shortcomings.  But I like what my pastor said recently — if we as the Body of Christ operate together (as one), we don’t have to experience the pain of our weaknesses.  We don’t have to suffer on behalf of what each individual is limited to, not only because we all have CHRIST IN US (“the hope of glory”) but also because we can lean on Christ in each other to get us through.  And Christ is a beautiful thing, indeed the beautiful One.

But we must let loose our dead nature for the alive Christ to burst forth!  Our flesh only drags us down and keeps us — where else? — but on earth.  Taking on Christ’s nature and removing our dead selves allows us to soar in the heavenlies with Him.

Christ, who is our peace….

He is our peace.  He keeps us there, in peace, and at peace with one another.  He is the Keeper of the Peace and the Bringer of the Peace!  When we link arms and join hands, we are emulating Christ Jesus.

So what are we waiting for?  Why don’t we dive into the Scriptures?  Why don’t we — ahem, ME! — stop wasting time and FOCUS instead on Him, on His words to us, on what He may wanna teach us?

Why are we scared?  He only wants to remove the dead, whittle away the impurities, bumps and lumps!  He is making us beautiful, truly beautiful, what every woman longs to be (and every man longs to be near). 

John 8:12: Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I Am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

Don’t we want the LIGHT OF LIFE?  Don’t we want Him to illuminate our soul, riddled with passionate lusts that the heathens are controlled by, and bring peace and healing there?  Don’t we want Him to rise up in our spirits and spread love, glory, humility and wholeness wherever we go?

Do you want to touch the blind — and them see?

Do you want to comfort the brokenhearted — and bring healing to their loss?

Do you want to snatch the hell-bent from the flames?

Do you want to cooperate with our Father in the greatest Redemption story ever told?

Then what are you waiting for?  Go.  Do it :)  Just don’t do it alone.  Take Him with you — and invite other people to share the journey.  For our spirits are willing but our flesh is weak.  Let our kind Father’s Holy Spirit illuminate His word to you, one verse at a time, and see how your spirit comes alive.  See how He bursts forth and overcomes even your fleshly temptations, your temperament’s failures, your habitual behavior.  He can, has, and will continue to conquer all.

Mastering Relationships

Mastering relationships is one of life’s most challenging and rewarding pursuits.

Relationships are so… complex.  Dynamic.  Constantly-moving targets and shifting emotions: the pure JOY of connecting with someone, then pain when they betray us, break promises, stop caring, or just plain forget about us.    

I’m seeking friends who don’t go away.  Friendships that sustain new boyfriends, crazy new jobs and schedules, misunderstandings and weeks of phone tag.  I want true friends.  As I get older and try desperately to stay faithful to Him and who He created me to be, I’m learning such friends are nearly impossible to find. 

But I have this rather annoying quality.  My heart doesn’t give up on finding this love.  It persists in seeking out the best in others and believing God will bless me again with close friends.  It wakes me each day and tries to keep an open heart despite being disrespected, manipulated, envied, underestimated.  It keeps me believing I will find true connection with someone else one day, true friendship.  I refuse to accept that it doesn’t exist.   

Why?  Because I’ve tasted it!  In Colorado Springs.  With my mentor Patti.  In South Africa.  At Bimini Bay Church.  I don’t seek it out with non-believers because I know love can only come from its Author Himself!  He is the only One that helps us overcome ourselves, our bad habits and cycles in order to put someone else first in our lives.  It’s His love that pours out through us.

At my job, I encounter hundreds of people every week.  It’s like a live course in sociology, and it’s taught me much.  One thing I’ve witnessed is how most adults are super fake with each other.  At some point they stopped being real and now revolve their conversations around gossip, shallow discussions about the weather and economies, or competitive contests to see whose kids are smarter, thighs are thinner, or husbands are banking more.  Some days it’s an all-out Fake Fest!    

I’m stunned how much people change from day to day (and how others remain the exact same), how they talk about their in-laws (or their own kids), how their talk doesn’t match their walk.  I see the same people come in like clockwork and watch how they respond to life — to struggles, to pain and surgery, bad weather and bratty kids, and to me the “front desk girl”.  Some don’t give me the time of day, to be expected, while others treat me as one of their own.  I help people who aren’t appreciative or are downright demanding.  I hear boasts of brand-new yachts and business successes.    

Then I see others, the humble few.  The amazingly persistent who face serious trials but ALWAYS come with a bright smile on their faces (incredible to see every day!).  People undaunted by challenges.  Yes, many curse our country and political climate, but these refreshing others find the best in each circumstance.  I see them bite their tongues.  I see them help each other. 

I also notice the hurting ones, the withdrawn ones who don’t reach out or are so entrenched in their pain that they fail to respond when someone reaches out to them.  I hear thin women obsess about their physiques and be threatened by a beautiful woman in their midst.  I witness miscommunications and hurt feelings.  I’ve learned that some people, no matter what I do, may never smile back.   Their bitterness at life, at unmet needs and burst dreams, is etched on their faces.  It’s on the tip of their tongue.  It sours today for them because they’re still heartsick over yesterday and unable to envision happier tomorrows.

But why?

As I’ve adjusted to life away from my family, I’m beginning to experience similar struggles.  In my family’s absence, I’m not opening up to people like I once did.  Part of my heart seems hardened beyond repair, unable to forget the many friends I’ve invested in who turned away or just plain weren’t loyal.  They only wanted a piece of me, not the whole thing — but I’m not a “piece of me” type of girl.  I’m either in or I’m out.  I’ve found so few friends with the same approach to friendship that I’ve about given up. 

And I see that… I see that in them, the members of my country club.  I see some who don’t engage others or make eye contact.  For the first time ever, I’m beginning to understand their distance.  I hear them talk about spouses who don’t treat them well, at all, who tear them down, neglect them,  and demand their own way.  And lately, I’m surprised to find myself empathizing!

On days like today, my mind hops back on the “merry-go-round” wondering when I’ll find that magical, faithful friend.  The Bible says there’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  I know that Friend as Jesus, and yes He most certainly does.  He doesn’t go away.  But I’d really love to have such a friend here on earth.  I need a confidante, a best friend, the first one I’ll call when my day goes well – or takes a nosedive off an unforeseen cliff, who’ll laugh with me when my week is a disaster (like last week!).  Someone who won’t judge… or compete… or be threatened… one who won’t walk away when I need them most or when they fall head over heels for another.  Someone who’s down for a night in as much as a big night out.  Numerous people have filled this role in my lifetime, but none have lasted.  So why do I still have this longing – a longing God hasn’t met?  

I wonder if He can fill it, if He’s designed to?  Nothing is impossible for Him, but I wonder if He allows certain voids in our lives to encourage us to pursue earthly relationships.  It’s not just “Me + You vs. the world”.  I believe He’s created room in our hearts for others, otherwise I’d be content in Him alone. 

So where are these friendships, true-blue ones that remain despite circumstances, that don’t fade away?
 

And where, Father, are theirs? 

* Confessions of a [Recovering] People Pleaser *

I’ve watched many friendships die because of a competitive spirit. 

Why?

Because sometime after college, a lot of friendships changed from openness to “Show and Tell”.  The distance between us made close friends into acquaintances.  Our lives became busier, with fewer phone calls and less “face time”. 

With passing time, Facebook confirmed our suspicions: old friends are taking separate roads.  Alternate lifestyles, divergent career paths, new interests, weddings and childbirth.  Former strong believers fell off the wagon and God haters jumped on.  The reality of our friendships became clear: many were merely circumstantial, conditional. 

This rude awakening hurts.  Maybe that’s why we call the shift from school years to work life the ‘real world’.  During this shift, the reaction of many is to withdraw in isolation or shallowness.  Other people cling to dead relationships, in denial.  Still others muster up all their strength and ‘discipline’ to becoming the best they can be.  They hope in the process of proving themselves, that they will earn love.  No one I know goes through this period of time with a fully-intact heart.   

Scripture talks about this.  It says that in the last days, the love of many will grow cold.  Why?

Because of ever-increasing wickedness.

Is that what we’re experiencing?  Do people begin lashing out, shutting down, or changing from caring to competitive because our world’s becoming more wicked and self-centered? 

As we collect years, love seems to be in shorter supply.  We experience hurt with people, so we resort to competitive tactics to satisfy our hunger to be loved.  Many disguise these tactics in career pursuits, a great marriage, wonderful ‘obedient’ children, the perfect pie, impressive amounts of money, church attendance and abstaining from pleasures, looking beautiful 24/7 – all in an attempt to earn love. 

But by definition, love isn’t acquired by earning.  It isn’t had by how outstanding your performance at work is or how toned your abs are.  Ladies — it isn’t because you’re effortlessly beautiful (is anyone?) or because you don’t have cellulite (that they know of ) ;).  

Those who don’t fall into the competitive trap are in one of two categories: those who believe they can’t measure up so they stop trying to prove they can… and the few who rest in the assurance they are loved already.  Loved already?  But by who, if not someone in the world?       

Whether we step up to the plate and compete with others for love or believe we’ll never hit the mark and give up, both instances indicate our love is growing cold.  We are more concerned about earning love than giving it.  And so we go round and round.  The cycle perpetuates itself. 

But what we fail to grasp is that there isn’t a limited supply of love!  There is BOUNTIFUL love, overflowing from the rafters.  However, this love isn’t found in the world.  When we seek the world’s applause, we must compete because the world only likes winners.  And to win, someone must lose.  Actually, many someones. 

But in God’s world, love knows no limits.  Our faults only position us to receive more of His love!  We’d never fear that we’re unlovable unless we recognize that we have unlovable parts, so embracing our failure can lead us to discovering true love in God! 

The truth is, love can only come from two places: inside the world or outside it.  Our life experience looks like this: We see our failures.  We experience the world’s rejection because of them.  We then have a choice: to stay on the world’s never-ending treadmill, to withdraw in despair at never measuring up, or to seek another Source of love outside the applause of man. 

Once we stop going to the world as our source of confidence and affirmation, we can truly begin living.  Freely!  And our love will not grow cold.  It will thrive regardless — shining in an otherwise hate-filled world. 

Jesus, thank You for saving us!!  From our common enemy, from our dark and cold world, from each other, and from ourselves.  You are our only hope for love, and the only way we can love others without condition.  Thank You for what You’ve done!