Tribute to My Best Friend

My husband's surprise meal awaiting me after night class!

Through the years we’ve all (likely) gotten on and off various treadmills in our lives.

These treadmills are when we try to earn somebody’s love, attention, respect and admiration.  I think we’ve all done it–even when we were unaware that’s what we were seeking.  The driven executive.  The perpetually-busy housewife.  The promiscuous teen/young adult (or older).  The tough guy.  The trendsetter.

Of course there are literal treadmills–”Run run run, fast as you can…”  I’ve easily (and sadly) spent half my life chasing this dream.  Let’s just say I’m not succeeding.

Then there are other kinds of treadmills we gauge our success by.  I tried one (laughable) one: Best cook!  That was a briefer stint.  Short story?  Fail (but a happy one, as any well-fed cook can attest)  :)

At some point I set my sights on being “Most popular” with the boys.  This I succeeded at quite well, til one day I realized they weren’t always seeking my best interest.  So I ran away.  And built walls, lots of walls.  John Eldredge calls this the “tower” every knight must rescue his princess from, claiming that every lady’s built one [slightly cheesy, but no less true].  Mine was a fortress!

My husband is the only one who persistently broke down my defenses–in just a shade under four years.  [I'd label this endeavor of mine a successful fail: I got a fabulous hubby outta the deal, but completely apart from my efforts].

One of my favorite thoughts about my husband is that he met me at my worst.  I love it.  I was my most homely (which makes me smile :), my most bare-faced, anti-social, uncharming, and in my mind unloveliest.

Enter future hubby.

Somehow God veiled his eyes (?) and he became captivated by me–I mean really captivated.  He saw the quirks in my behavior yet pursued me anyway (example: our first full-fledged encounter consisted of him hanging out with me as I tackled Sudoku–for 45 minutes–in near silence.  Yes really).

He asked me out that night.

No part of where I was at back then captured me at my best.  No part.  I was unemployed for crying out loud and living with my parents.  I mean, does that scream “MARRY ME” or what?

Yet three-and-a-half years later, that’s precisely what he did.  Just a short block from the home we Sudoku-ed in “together”.

And in that very same place–my parents’ beautiful home–we celebrated our engagement, and two months later, our marriage.

Wow.

Last night I dreamt about my husband.  He was personified as a brother, someone who was always around, helping, being considerate, positive and generally awesome (per usual, if you know him!  And maybe not-so-usual for the average brother), but someone firmly in the “Just Friends” box.

Or so I thought.

At some point in my dream, he emerged from the Friend Zone and became the man who captured my attention and won my heart.  It was an amazing dream, paralleling what happened with us in real life and highlighting all his strengths and fantastic qualities–ones I greatly esteem and admire.

I woke up reinvigorated with love for my husband, who I said “I do” to just 9 1/2 short months ago: New Years Day 2011 (that’s 1.1.11 for you sentimental ones).

We didn’t even plan the timing.  But part of me thinks God did.

Another part of me thinks God knew what He was doing when He sent Brian to me when I stood on the lowest rung of the ladder of success.  A girl who based her worth on her “ability to perform” meets the man of her dreams at the apex of her failure.

Coincidence?  I’m beginning to think not.  One day I had this epiphany that reaching rock bottom meant ”It can only go up from here” with him.  That was a beautiful and freeing place to be.

God bless him.  Really!  God, please bless him, for nights like tonight…

I was struggling.  So my husband checked outta work early, drove home (while on the phone with Negative Nancy herself), and rushed to my aid.  He came in our room, where I was lying on our bed, and just hugged me.  Enveloped me.  Loved me when I was so incredibly down and feeling broken.

God, You knew what I needed… back then in 2007 when we ‘met’ at my parents’ home… and today in his parents’ home, the one we all share, when he said I’m beautiful and loved me at my worst.

How could that be?

On days like today when I think God can’t possibly love and accept me in light of my failures, weaknesses and bad (okay, terrible) attitudes, I see my husband’s love and accept the growing realization that God must love me, too.  Because how else could I deserve to be blessed with such a man in my life?  What did I do to earn his love?

I’m so grateful I’ll never know… because someone as incredible as my husband loves me at my worst, and one day (I oh-so-hope) he can love me at my best.

Thanks God for such a gift–a man who is loving me back to life.

Women of Strength

This is good — contrasting “Strong Women” who seem to have it all together (who does?) and “Women of Strength” who rely on Him to make them strong.  My favorites are bolded:

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A strong woman works out daily to keep her body in shape,
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything,
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her,
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman walks sure-footedly,
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey,
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

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In a recent job interview, I was asked (half-seriously): If you were a superhero, who would you be and why? 

My response (after laughing!): “Superwoman, because she saves the whole world — and looks great doing it!”

Hah — Yes, I’m ridiculous.  But it got me thinking.  Is this our goal as ladies?  Apparently it was mine.  But the sad truth is I’ll (probably) never be Superwoman.  A girl can dream, and a cape may look good on me, but I’ll never be able to ‘do it all’.  Is that a tough pill to swallow or what?

Not you, you say?  After all you’re lacing up those sneakers for a third half-marathon… You cook gourmet fare 5 nights a week (does Kraft count?)… Your kids are honor roll-ees (except that one semester)…. You juggle work, marriage and motherhood with grace, poise (and caffeine).  And you look good doing it.

But if we’re honest, we’re worn out from the Superwoman treadmill.  I for one want to get OFF.  And I’d like to not incur judgment for doing it.  This means we must give and receive grace for messing up.  This means we can laugh at our mistakes, not take them personally, brush ourselves off and ask for strength the next time.

Our world tells us (and we wanna believe!) we can do it all – achieve it all – but we reach The Wall eventually. We all face limitations. I fight my own weaknesses.  Funny enough, though we try to cover them up or downplay them, people around us know our faults anyway.  Time tells all.  We can’t hide them, so why not vocalize them and ask for people’s help?   This makes our struggles lose their power over us!

“But wait!” you say.  “Superwoman can’t ask for help!  Who will take her seriously?”

One of my favorite quotes ever says Never trust a leader without a limp.  If someone is unwilling to own their flaws in front of their people, they are not yet fit for leadership. A true leader must reveal who they are — warts & all — in order to successfully encourage others.  When a leader covers their struggles, they appear prideful and a tad dishonest (or outta touch with reality).  Pride leads to falls.  Dishonesty leads to much worse.  Neither trait qualifies a person to lead.

Some people have told me how “strong” I am and that I have my “act together”.  This makes me question myself: Do I show others I’m merely a strong woman who relies on myself or do I show that I’m a woman who relies on God to help me excel?  Do I grab His glory and hang onto it myself, or do I pass it on to the only One who owns it (and can handle it)?

Does my strength come from ME or from Him?  If Him, then people should be singing His praises when strength and excellence show up in my life!  People are drawn to those who have Supernatural Strength in their lives.  If you and I continuously give God the kudos, others will be more likely to turn to Him in their time of need, too.

Because we’re all weak sometimes.  We all need strength and courage and help.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  – Isaiah 40:31 

Are we pointing other ladies to Christ’s power in us, or are we keeping His praise for ourselves?  Are we relying on our own power, or are we gaining strength from Him?

Food for thought.  And (I hope) for change.

Sweet, Sweet Scripture

I like Scriptures.  They are positive.  They bring JOY!  If we practice them, we will walk in great health, peace, and prosperity in our souls.

Scripture is beautifully-written, indeed the most beautiful writing in existence.  Some may argue with that, but that’s OK by me.  I will always contend that God is the best Author of all.  In fact, He created you and He created me.

He is so creative!  God created us in His image, meaning we are creative too (wow, how humble of Him to allow us to share this remarkable trait!)  Creativity is an amazing quality, a powerful force, yet our Father found delight in sharing it with us… I believe it’s an intrinsic quality in every human being.  Just think of some of the most creative people you know: Didn’t their art inspire you?  Draw you in?  Touch some deep part of your heart and soul?  That’s God shining through them!

God is also light.  That means He does not — indeed, cannot – deceive.  He is honest through and through.  WOW!  Can you imagine never having bad motives?  Never pretending to be something/ someone you’re not OR misleading someone that you had pure intent when really you wanted glory, affirmation, money, status, power, or some other self-seeking desire?  Not Him.  He is pure of heart, pure of mind, pure of intention.  I’m reminded of the Scripture describing a man named Nathanael as one “in whom there is no guile”.  Jesus is described the same.  That’s exciting to me that Jesus Himself qualified Nathanael’s character as a man without guile.  Exciting because IT IS POSSIBLE FOR US!  One of my deepest, most heart-felt goals is to be a person in whom there is no guile.  That is my plea for my husband and my fellow church members.  I know God can do this in us — He can make us people of pure intent, pure heart, pure motivations.  But note the key word: pure.  To be pure denotes a purifying experience that burns away impurities.  I believe holiness is one of God’s chief goals and works in His people.

I wonder… do we tremble at the thought of Him?

Do we bow in humility when presenting our requests at His throne?  Do we realize we’re bowing before the Maker of heaven and earth?  Wow!  I know I forget that more often than not, and that needs to change.

Repeatedly it’s been burning in my heart that my heart needs help.  God, I often seek my own glory…. my own comfort…. friendship with man instead of friendship with the Man.  I seek the wrong things.  I stay busy instead of staying still.  And I repent — but do I really?  Because my history keeps repeating itself.

But then You intervene.  And suddenly I’m doing things I never dreamt I’d be doing!  Or old habits that clung to me for far too long begin fading away!!!!!!!  SUDDENLY, as in the blink of an eye, I am FREE to be …. You?  No no, You IN ME.  YOU IN ME — the unique expression of You as only I, Your unique creation, can be.  WOW!

How magnificent and wonderful and beautiful this creation is!  I am at times in awe of who I am when You show up in me.  But when You don’t, all I tend to see are vainglorious attempts at winning praise and affection.  Half-hearted attempts at, well, anything.  Emotion-led living.  Judgmental thoughts, a sharp tongue, and that ugly demon pride.

But You in me — that is a sight to behold!  That is where glory emits from my being….. because You peek Your head out and are free at last to use my feeble hands, my weak knees, my limited resources to do Your unlimited work!  To achieve the impossible.  To reach the ‘unreachable’.  To push harder and longer and endure well past my breaking point.  You, Sir, can do anything.  Through me.  Yes, even through me.

Most of us are well aware of our shortcomings.  But I like what my pastor said recently — if we as the Body of Christ operate together (as one), we don’t have to experience the pain of our weaknesses.  We don’t have to suffer on behalf of what each individual is limited to, not only because we all have CHRIST IN US (“the hope of glory”) but also because we can lean on Christ in each other to get us through.  And Christ is a beautiful thing, indeed the beautiful One.

But we must let loose our dead nature for the alive Christ to burst forth!  Our flesh only drags us down and keeps us — where else? — but on earth.  Taking on Christ’s nature and removing our dead selves allows us to soar in the heavenlies with Him.

Christ, who is our peace….

He is our peace.  He keeps us there, in peace, and at peace with one another.  He is the Keeper of the Peace and the Bringer of the Peace!  When we link arms and join hands, we are emulating Christ Jesus.

So what are we waiting for?  Why don’t we dive into the Scriptures?  Why don’t we — ahem, ME! — stop wasting time and FOCUS instead on Him, on His words to us, on what He may wanna teach us?

Why are we scared?  He only wants to remove the dead, whittle away the impurities, bumps and lumps!  He is making us beautiful, truly beautiful, what every woman longs to be (and every man longs to be near). 

John 8:12: Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I Am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

Don’t we want the LIGHT OF LIFE?  Don’t we want Him to illuminate our soul, riddled with passionate lusts that the heathens are controlled by, and bring peace and healing there?  Don’t we want Him to rise up in our spirits and spread love, glory, humility and wholeness wherever we go?

Do you want to touch the blind — and them see?

Do you want to comfort the brokenhearted — and bring healing to their loss?

Do you want to snatch the hell-bent from the flames?

Do you want to cooperate with our Father in the greatest Redemption story ever told?

Then what are you waiting for?  Go.  Do it :)  Just don’t do it alone.  Take Him with you — and invite other people to share the journey.  For our spirits are willing but our flesh is weak.  Let our kind Father’s Holy Spirit illuminate His word to you, one verse at a time, and see how your spirit comes alive.  See how He bursts forth and overcomes even your fleshly temptations, your temperament’s failures, your habitual behavior.  He can, has, and will continue to conquer all.

The Only Thing

Such a beautiful song — I heart it! 

In the last few years, over and over again this realization has swept over me.  The more I fail the more I’m faced with this truth.  Enjoy his words, his message, and listen all the way to the end.  Gorgeous! 

Freedom from Reproach

I found this excellent spiritual resource online today and think it’s precisely what I and others have needed to hear for a looong time.  Thanks God!

My hopes are it blesses you like it has me! 

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“Do you find yourself inhibited, unable to be whom God has destined you to be?

Rehearsing what others have said about you?

Replaying past failures?

It is time to be free… truly free!” 

And so begins this fabulous article “Freedom From Reproach”.  Read it here: ft111.com/freedomfromreproach.htm

Perfect You?

You don’t have to be perfect.

How many ways does He say it to us?  How long does it take to sink in?  You don’t have to be perfect.  You never will be!  That is hard to hear and harder to accept.  We’ll never do everything right.

Why does writing those words make me angry?

Is it because we’ve been conditioned to think that being less than perfect makes us less worthy of love and respect?  Is that why admitting mistakes to ourselves and others is so hard - because we believe they’ll love us less?

A good way to know if you’re struggling with perfectionism is to study yourself: What happens when you see people ‘fail’?  If she gains some weight, he gets divorced, or she looks away briefly and the baby falls down the stairs… is your instinct compassion and grace, or is it judgment?  Do you respect them less after you learn of their failures?

At no point do we reject grace more than when we are performing perfectly.  After all, we were feeling really good about ourselves, then someone barged in and pointed out our flaws.  And on the flipside, at no point do we embrace grace more joyfully than when we’re swimming in our failures.

Perhaps this is why God grants us the grace to fail – because He knows the outcome.  He doesn’t want you caught up in the “rat race” the rest of your 40-50 years on earth, thinking you had to earn it.  Because you didn’t.  Yet otherwise, you would’ve never known you’d been loved and accepted all along,and your life would’ve been hell proving yourself to a world that continues to set the bar higher for you.  And still higher.

I recently moved to Atlanta.  I used to love changing locales because it was an opportunity to reinvent myself.  In this new city, I could work hard on my struggles so no one would look down on me for them. 

But let time run its course and soon flaws begin to show.

We learn to hide our pain and weaknesses until we have a handle on them.  We believe hiding faults earns people’s respect and affections.  But — it doesn’t.  People are suspicious of anyone portraying they have it all together.

So why do we play this game, especially as we grow up?  Do we pretend because the bar is too high?  Most people believe that as we age, we grow and improve ourselves, when in reality we often digress.  We lose our dreams post-failure and become shallow, phony.  We no longer show our vulnerabilities to the world.  And worst of all, we frown upon those who do — kids who openly show emotion, their true selves, no matter how quirky they may be.  With age we lose our childlikeness, our young hearts, who we are truly meant to be.  We conform because it lessens the likelihood of rejection.  We learn shame.

You know what else I realized?  Brace yourself… :)

The human sin that sent Jesus to die was people’s failure to admit their failures.  They hated Him with utmost hatred because He represented their inability to measure up on their own.  And they went to hell for it.  They lost their very lives because they couldn’t swallow the notion that they didn’t have it all together.  This is how deeply-rooted the need to be perfect is.  They deceived themselves, and when we operate under this ‘golden rule’, we do too.

Don’t you see that our need to be ‘perfect’ blocks us from the very intimacy we’re trying to attain through perfection?  Our attempts to hit the mark and prove we’re lovable hinder us from experiencing true love at all.

This is performance, the ugly underbelly of religion, and it separates us — from each other and from the Lord.  He beckons us, saying I love you now.  You are enough now!  Quit waiting outside the gate, improving yourself before entering in to be with Me.  Now is the time.  Now you are whole.  Now you are loved, accepted, delighted in.  Now!

We so fear loss of love that we’re blinded to the fact that we’re already loved.  This concept is so foreign to our earthly way of thinking because we have never, never, never been loved like that before.  Not unconditionally.  Not purely.  Not 100% of the time.  Not by anyone.  And we never will be.

Until now.  UntilHim.  Psalm 100 says “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise!” 

We must stop pretending — and enter.  There we can drop our facades.  There we can unravel our contrived images and forsake any attempt to prove ourselves.  There, with Him, we are enough!  We don’t have to be perfect and we never will be.  God calls this place His ‘rest’ (Hebrews 4), and it’s available to every one of us.

But we must enter.

To all of us Christ offers ‘rest,’ not in the next life only, but also in this life.  Rest from the weight of sin, from care and worry, from the load of daily anxiety and foreboding.  The rest that arrives from handing over all worries to Christ and receiving from Christ all we need.  Have you entered into that experience? ~FB Meyer