“Koinonia”: A Taste of True Community

Once upon a time, I attended the Focus on the Family Institute (now Focus Leadership Institute) in Colorado Springs.  An amazing, life-altering experience, and one of the best decisions I’ve made in my spiritual journey. 

What made it so awesome?

Fellowship!  Up until that point, I walked out my faith largely alone.  Sure I churched, retreated, Bible studied, mission-tripped, worshipped and prayed.  Yay for me!  But those didn’t change me the way people did.  Until FFI, I was living day-to-day by myself. 

The Focus Institute’s focus on community turned my world upside-down.  Suddenly I was surrounded by believers who lived their faith and passionately loved the Lord!  I felt safe, valued for who and how I am, and respected, and everyone around me was too.  It was amazing.  The men stepped up and treated us ladies with love and service – the way God designed women to be treated – instead of pursuing us for worldly reasons.  It was a slice of heaven. 

Weekly we came together for “Koinonia” – fellowship, worship, food and just QT.  I adored it!!  People were honest about where they were at.  Broken from their pasts.  In such intimacy, facades couldn’t survive, and it rocked! 

Since leaving Focus, I’ve hunted for a community of believers that compares.  I’ve struggled to find others (especially my age) willing to live their lives openly.  After several years of searching, I found myself retreating to old ways of doing relationships and feeling vulnerable at how vulnerable I became after Focus.  Being fake and “having it all together” became the norm again.  There seemed no other option. 

This is precisely why I love the article below.  God’s church – His beloved bride! – is meant to be raw, honest, confronting and confrontable (in love).  We need each other to be honest so we can grow.  We need a place we can let our guards down.  Church hasn’t been that place for me, yet.  But biblical church does not mean playing the Christian part, speaking Christianese and announcing “I’m too blessed to be stressed!” when your world’s crashing down.  It’s being the part — doing it together — and sharing when life is just plain hard. 

It’s been said that Joy shared is doubled, and grief shared is halved.  This is why everyone needs community, even the ‘independents’ among us.

So thank you to people who don’t sugar-coat life, who confess their faults and let me know mine :) because how else can we grow if we’re not challenged?  How else can we stand in tough times, like what our country’s facing, than together?  I believe the answer is we can’t. 

We need true church!  So let’s recreate it, starting with us… but if you enjoy a superficial, comfortable world, I wouldn’t apply: http://charismamag.com/index.php/fire-in-my-bones/30788-koinoniaa-missing-ingredient-in-todays-church

P.S. Enjoy these young men’s Focus Institute testimonies.  I, too, shared their sentiment, and 5+ years later some of my great Focus friendships endure!  http://focusyourstory.com/?p=1884, http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=133, and http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=97.

The Blessed Life :)

I spoke to those in captivity of all the things the LORD had shown me.  -Ezekiel 11:25

Thursday God gave me this scripture.  Clear as a bell ringing in my heart, I felt Him impressing upon me to share what I’ve been learning in the fire, in my fear, in confusion, and in the newness I’ve experienced this year.  He is certainly doing “a new thing”!  

Today the Lord is speaking more than I can download here.  On a side note, I get reeaaally excited when He speaks.  QT is my love language after all!  I’m like a giddy schoolgirl when He talks to me – eager to share it with the world.  So here goes. 

Below I’ve written principles that invite God’s blessing into our lives and help us experience the blessed life!

First, from my (amazing!) hubby, awesome advice I need to apply to my own life.  I assure you, he lives these principles: 

“Build each other up!  Wake up each day focused on how you can ‘edify’ someone else.  Edify means to enlighten, inform, instruct, educate, improve, and teach.  When you are idle, you tend to focus inwardly, and usually negative…. But we are designed to be externally focused, and we are blessed by blessing others…  

“I want Summer to be proud of me and in every situation, even ones where she’s not in the room.  I want to Honor her with every conversation I have about her… [and] I expect her to do the same… not in return for how I act, but independently of how I act.  Because the moment we start saying well she didn’t compliment [me] enough here, so I’m not going to love on her here… then the relationship falls apart.  But if each of us (independently of each other’s actions) tries to love in the best way we know how (regardless of either of our failures) then we have real love.  We are externally focused, and usually enjoying the heck out of it.” 

Secondly, from one of my fave books The Blessed Life by Robert Morris: 

“Go the extra mile.  Romans 12 tells us, ‘If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men’ (v. 18).  Frankly, I would much rather be cheated by men and blessed by God than to insist on fairness from men but forfeit God’s blessing.  Every time I’ve done the right thing, God has always blessed me.”  Amen!

And lastly, we’re blessed by worshipping him.  Here’s a stunningly beautiful song by Watermark, one of my *Faves*  :)

Happy Tuesday,
Summer

Communication: To HEAL or HURT?

Here’s a question to ask ourselves:

Is my communication helping or hurting this situation?

Is what I’m about to say/write able to bring people up or down?

No, seriously.  Ask yourself this whenever you’re tempted to write a volatile email or spread juicy gossip.  I know it’s juicy.  I know it’s like that itch you MUST scratch.  Put another way:

If they were here, would I say this – the same way? 

Maybe you would.  Maybe you – can I be direct? – struggle with being a jerk.  Then there are others, the less aggressive, who find it hard to confront people directly.  So we go to others when we’re hurt, seeking sympathy, but instead build walls and tear down other people’s relationships.  All to alleviate our own desire for revenge. 

Lately I’ve witnessed the major destruction such words bring to relationships, people slandering each other.  This is the worst kind of insult: Behind your back, when you are defenseless.  As believers in Christ, we need to be mindful of  the incredible power of our words.  Are you building people up or tearing them down?

Jesus has a word for us in this department.  A lot of words.  Hang onto your britches! 

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’  -Matt 18:15-16

Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?’  Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’  -Matt. 18:21-22

If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  -Matt 5:23-24

Judge not, that you be not judged.  For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  -Matt. 7:1-2

And Solomon:

Hatred stires up strife, but love covers all sins.  -Prov. 10:12

These wise words teach us this:

1. First forgive.  I know it’s hard.  We’ve all been backstabbed, betrayed, used, abused.  But your quality of life hinges on your forgiveness (or lack of).  If you want a joyful life, you must forgive; there’s no other option.  Take it from one who learned the hard way: Grudges only destroy you and your relationships.  If you’re upset with someone, forgive them before approaching them about the issue.
2. If someone’s hurt you, GO TO THEM.  Don’t tell your boyfriend, sister/ aunt/ mother, or cubemate.  Let that person know they hurt  you and give them opportunity to explain, apologize or make amends.  Has someone ever done this for you?  What a relief that they approached you instead of telling half the town or posting angry Facebook statuses!  On the flipside, have you ever had someone do the opposite: tell your entire circle but you that you’ve offended them?  I have.  The result?  Division, misplaced anger, mega damage control.  People, let’s handle conflict responsibly, like adults.  Put your big girl panties on and deal with it head-on. 
3. If someone else is upset with you, go to them.  Do not delay!  Waiting simply gives our enemy time to weave division, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and gossip/ slander.  God makes it clear He’d rather we reconcile with others than receive our gifts.  Reconciliation first; giving second. 
4. QUIT JUDGING.  You are not your neighbor’s judge – GOD IS.  If you simply must get something off your chest about someone else, aim it at God.  He knows what you’re thinking already, and He’ll likely give you a new perspective.  For me He’s made me aware of my own failures (which He’s forgiven me of constantly) or opened my eyes to their viewpoint, the motivation behind their behavior, and His compassion for them.  Pray to Him - ask Him to help that person grow in the area of their failure.  Ask for His grace to let it go whenever they mess up.  Search scripture for similar incidences.  It is replete with wisdom on how to treat other people, none involving your vengeance!   You will be BLESSED by following this advice!!

If you have a grievance with someone, go to them today.  Refuse to talk behind their back.  People are more reasonable when you open the door for them to share their feelings and perspective with you.  You may gain valuable insight into their heart/ behavior.  If they’re unreasonable, take someone else with you.  If that doesn’t work, brush it off and move forward; you tried your best. 

This works anywhere: Home …. the Workplace …. Church …. Small groups …. Friends.  Quit adding fuel to the fire and backbiting/ gossiping.  Stop attacking and finger-pointing.  Be humble enough to admit your mistakes and give others grace to do the same.  If we’d follow this, it would stop untold amounts of drama in our lives! 

One last benefit:

A gracious woman attains honor  -Prov 11:16

Yes, forgiveness brings you honor!  I’m reminded of Taylor Swift’s gracious response to Kanye at last year’s VMAs.  Hats off to her for controlling herself when many would have reacted less kindly. 

As the Apostle Paul would say, Grace and peace to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And as I would say - Much love.  Go spread it around :)
XOXOX Summer

“When Men Were Men”

Once Upon a Time, Men Were Men!
http://dustenharward.com/blog/?p=67

Strong statement?  I thought so too.  But I didn’t write it; he did.  So get mad at him, but hear him out.

He has awesome points, ones I hope many men incorporate in their lives.  I believe many men want to become stronger and rise to the challenge, they simply need to catch the vision of such a man!

I hope you read, enjoy and learn new ways to become more Manly - not the world’s way but God’s way.

Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true.  This special secret – curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence.  When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. 

-Walt Disney

…. Not only belief in his idea but in his God-given ability to accomplish it — and in his God to perform it through him.

Miss Hepburn’s Wisdom

On Laughter

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.

On Beauty

On Others

It’s that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so don’t fuss, dear; get on with it.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

On Love

On Challenges

When you have found it, you should stick to it.

On Life

Pick the day. Enjoy it – to the hilt.
The day as it comes.
People as they come…
The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present – and I don’t want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.

~Audrey Hepburn

Wedded Bliss

Today, three-months into marriage, I stumbled upon these beautiful songs I’d saved for the day when the right man came into my life. 

So many times I listened to these songs, dreaming of that day (yes, I’m such a girl!).  Yet despite my growing desire for commitment, my fears kept it at arms-length, whispering to me that it would somehow unravel me. 

But last summer, something BIG changed.  The day came when my passion for experiencing true love superceded my fear, and now I stand 3-months deep into a lifelong journey of loving one person through thick&thin, wedded bliss and yes, ugly sin.  Marriage, I’ve learned, is far more deep, complex, joyful and exciting than I’d ever imagined, dreamed or hoped!  Marriage is a beautiful thing, precisely because it’s imperfect.  God shows us how much He loves us by teaching us to love and be loved in the most marred areas of our hearts, at our core, where no one else dared tread.  Beautiful indeed.

In honor of this, I dedicate these songs to my husband and to finding the right person (in whatever magical, divine way that happens), falling in love, and taking the plunge.  It can be scary — I know — but beyond worth it. 

As it was once said, “The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.”  But you won’t experience intimacy any other way than if you let someone in, share your true self with them, and give them the opportunity to love you back.  All I can say?  The best decision I’ve ever made.

First Fruits

My husband and I have been reminded numerous times this past month about the Firstfruits principle in Prov. 3:

Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

So this month we put this principle to the test… with great success!  If you want God’s blessing  in any area of your life, give your first and best to Him in that area.  The Bible makes it clear that God owns the firstfruits of what we own (in fact He owns it all!), so by giving Him our firstfruits we’re just returning what’s already His.  Things like:

Your mornings – the first part of your day.

The 1st of each month.

The first day of the week (Sunday) – Sabbath day!

The first portion of your paycheck.

Give God the firstfruits of your time, money, relationships, belongings, everything – and open the door in your life for Him to bless the rest!

We tried it with great results.  But we don’t want to give simply because God blesses those who obey Him and put Him first.  We do it because it’s what He desires, and we want to please Him with all that we are.

For more scriptures on firstfruits, check out http://familyofchrist.net/sermons/Sermons2007/discipleship_Aug2007/Tithing1-Tithing_as_First_Fruits.pdf